STILL wednesday's child

thanksgiving

2007-06-29T07:52:00.000+10:00

"To you alone it is given to know the truth about the gods and deities of the sky... The innermost groves of far-off forests are your abodes. And it is you who say that the shades of the dead seek not the silent land of Erebus and the pale halls of Pluto; rather, you tell us that the same spirit has a body again elsewhere, and that death, if what you sing is true, is but the mid-point of long life." —Lucan Pharsalia c.60AD

this will be my last post on this blog - I light a candle for the other half of my soul as she returns to the earth that she so dearly loved. We are still the yin & yang - Daisy on one side of the veil, me on the other. Now, she anchors me in spirit - I continue my journey here as she continues hers in the summerland........

this is where i will be living as from tomorrow
TALES OF INGLEWOOD

the next instalment of my journey - where I hope to chatter about my daily life. please stop by and please comment every so often - it helps to know that someone is reading and that my chattering means something. . .I hope you will continue to visit me ! a new blog - a continuing journey

so ~ blessings & farewell, my dear DaisyLupin xoxo

heartsease

2007-06-28T07:43:00.000+10:00

the ache in my heart is easing today..... I have been sleeping with a rose quartz crystal clasped to my heart - the crystal sent to me by Gemma.... the crystal of the heart....

Heartsease ~ the flowers were considered cordial and good in mending a broken heart, from which may have arisen its popular name of Heartsease as much as from belief in it as a love potion.

no, I haven't been dosing up on Heartsease cordial but have been using a special mix of bach flowers - made up for me by my herbalist.

I have been really nurturing myself, the past few days, I had a glorious massage yesterday, I bought myself a magic hat, just like Daisy's and I have been sitting in my big comfortable chair reading a favourtie book - "apple tree lean down" while I sip hot chocolate..... all wonderful things to do when the soul aches.

I spent a few hours reading through Daisy's blog - copying some of her words to keep.....and last night I slept from 11pm til 6.30am! That is indeed a good sign...yes, there is the light at the end of the tunnel, I can see it and feel it.

2007-06-27T06:28:00.000+10:00

Let children walk with Nature, let them see the beautiful blendings and communions of death and life, their joyous inseparable unity, as taught in woods and meadows, plains and mountains and streams of our blessed star, and they will learn that death is stingless indeed, and as beautiful as life.
John Muir

I find myself ok during the day - I keep busy. But as soon as those winter shadows begin to fall - my heart starts to ache. I wander aimlessly around the house, watching UK tv shows so that I can feel close to her. I feel such a lonliness in my soul. Very odd as I am married to the most wonderful man - understanding and compassionate but even he cannot take this pain away. slowly, slowly I am beginning to be able to visit other blogs and comment... it is like putting my toe in the water to feel if it is cold or not..testing the waters.... if there is any sign of Daisy's name - I quickly click off the blog.

if I don't see it, it's not real.

like I said, please don't feel like you have to comment ~ it is doing my soul good to journal my grieving process

grieving, sifting and getting it out

2007-06-26T07:04:00.000+10:00

I know oneday, I will wake up without the sense of loss, without this ache in my chest....

blogging my grieving process is good for me and comments help alot too

but don't feel like you have to comment while I go through the mourning process.

*daisy* and I emailed alot - sometimes 5 times a day and I have kept every single email she ever sent me... at the time I thought I was insane but I am so glad I did because somewhere in those emails is the answer to my grieving - you know, she even use to email me and ask me what I was having for lunch and I use to email her and ask her equally boring questions but it is in those mundane emails that our friendship grew to what it was.......

it is absolutely pouring here right now...has been for a few weeks. Our dam has gone from 39% capacity and is now near to 52% capacity. Mother Earth is indeed good!

strong women

2007-06-25T16:33:00.000+10:00

today I made myself do some normal everyday things - I cleaned the bathrooms, stripped the sheets and threw the windows open. Even though it was absolutely freezing. I felt my home had become sad... it was holding my grief. After I cleaned, I lit lots n lots of little tea lights and some of the yuletide incense that Daisy sent me last week.

It is just this heartache in my chest that is hurting so bad.

I know I will 'survive' this grief. lord, I come from a long line of survivors, strong women :-

my paternal grandmother - Florence Emily Tester - had 7 boys, no daughters and spent her early married years in a one room home, with a dirt floor. later moving to a home with real stove ~ one that she had to light with wood!

my maternal grandmother - Jean Ingall Franks,who was blind and endured diabetes all her life, having a needle every day and who survived 4 strokes before succumbing to a 5th, leaving this earthly plane with not a grey hair on her head

then there is my dear Laura Curnow Tregilgas - my great grandmother on my Pa's side. Came to Australia with her children, to join her husband who had moved months before with the Navy - settling in for a few years and being left a widow in a strange country with all her children. She must have missed England so much, but she stayed here in Australia, for whatever reason.

I am from good Cornish stock, i have the blood running through my veins, so yes, I will be ok - but I miss *Daisy* so much - she was my link to Cornwall.

2007-06-25T06:40:00.000+10:00

Come away, O human child!
To the waters and the wild
With a faery, hand in hand,
For the world's more full of weeping than you can understand.
William Butler Yeats, "The Stolen Child"

winter magick

2007-06-24T08:09:00.000+10:00

yesterday, Joe took me to the Winter Magick festival - to get me out of myself. It was good. It was good to be among people, to be walking and looking. Living. I did have fun. Lots of gorgeous faery things and greenmen and oh, just magickal things. I found my self seeing something that I knew Daisy would love and thinking i could buy it for her, then had to catch myself - saddened to realize that she was here no longer on this earth plane.... there were little pixies dressed in green, dragonflies she would have loved to hang around her much loved cottage - there was even a little sprite named Daisy... I bought myself two gargoyles to sit on my steps to frighten those evil spirits away (that is the theory, anyhow). And as I walked around, I felt halfway normal. I talked to a man who is going to try to make me a hare for my garden and I looked for a gazing ball.

We then went for a walk and I felt myself grieving again. I remembered the time when I was telling her about how I felt when I walked in Katoomba, how it was an amazing feeling in my soul and her wise words:- that she believed it was a power spot for me...to walk there, when I felt the need for energy .. it may be time to take a long walk.

it was beginning to get cold by now, so we ducked into a little coffee shop for a lovely warm drink... and then off home. As we travelled back down the mountain - a car passed by and I glanced at the number plate :~

DAI - SEY

. . . a sign, perhaps? or should I say, another sign... there have been many this past week.

the solstice gift

2007-06-23T07:26:00.000+10:00

last night, I opened my gift from Daisy. I sobbed and howled til I knew I had to take control of myself.

She had sent me a medieval garden book that she had promised me awhile back and tucked into a page titled "Mystic garden", was a note that said - "this sounds like our sort of garden, doesn't it?" - well , that set me off again. As did the string of blue butterflies & crystals that she sent to me to "hang above my bed" - there was a yule sabbat card, some yule incense and a package of glitter and fabric.

I am trying to be strong, but truly I can't - I can't stop thinking of her, I can't eat. I have chest pains..... I know eventually I will be at the end of this dark grief tunnel but right now, there ain't no light I can see........

winter solstice ~

2007-06-22T06:54:00.000+10:00

Daisy was my confidante, my mentor and part of my soul family. I would often say to her, that I wish we lived near each other and she always said that the world could not cope with the two of us together, that we balanced each other by being on opposite sides of the world. The yin and the yang of the world. She knew me - she knew what I believed. She understood what I believed and she believed the same thing. we had the same dreams, the same waking times, we each had a twin record keeping crystal. We celebrated winter solstice and midsummer at the same time.... on opposite sides of the globe. We planted a tree in each of our gardens in honour of our friendship - me a rowan and she planted a eucalypt - her little bit of Australia, she called it. She didn't give up until she found my great grandmother for me..... she knew of my love for Cornwall. We were in the middle of creating for each other, an altered book of shadows ( I will share the one I was making for her, later on). the day she passed, there was a parcel on its way to her from me and one to me from her, I received mine a few days after she left........ She was teaching me her knowledge of the 'craft'. we were planning on meeting up in a year or two and maybe travelling to Cornwall together. Hilary and I have spent many incarnations together and I just found her in this one, and have lost her again. She was my soul connection to Cornwall.
tonight, I will be honouring her, in my sacred space, under my pine tree, where faeries live. I will have a farewell ceremony of my own - to say "canu'n iach" to my best friend....

2007-06-21T07:04:00.000+10:00

today my heart aches. a painful spot right in the middle of my breastbone. a pain that goes much deeper than this life ~ this is the pain from a past life connection with her, the time of the Druids I believe.

I am taking the advice given to me before Daisy passed ~ physician heal thyself. I am fortunate enough to have my healing crystal collection, that I can choose most crystals that I can ever need. So I choose rhodonite - a pink crystal - a heart healer - it heals emotional shock and panic, lending a supportive energy to the soul in the process. Rhodonite clears away emotional wounds and scars from the past, whenever that may be. It can be used in past life healing. you place it over the heart for healing of the emotional wounds.... so this I did.

and as I did so - I placed my hands over it, took a very deep breath and said the words:

**I place my hands on my own dear heart

with the gentleness and with exquisite care;

the care I would afford a tiny frozen bird I found here on my doorstep.

here, with my gentle healing hands my touch brings warmth and life;

to right what once went wrong;

to heal what once was broken.

fear not my love

I will do all I can do for you

for sure, I am no angel but what I have to give, I give to you**

*author unknown*

with that, I went to sleep, sleeping nearly all night in that position - hands over heart with crystal doing its work......

Tuesday

2007-06-19T19:36:00.001+10:00

today the grief comes in waves. I sob and sob. I email people constantly, hoping that someone will say a magic word to take this emptiness away. I still cannot believe that there will be no more words of wisdom, no more emails, no more support & advice from her. No more sabbat gift swaps. Yesterday, I received my yule package from Daisy, it sits here unopened. To look at it makes me physically sick and yet, I am wanting to hold it, knowing it was the last thing she sent to me. I want to smell it and absorb it... but it sits unopened. She emailed me and told me she had sent the package off - her words were "at least I managed to get your yule package off" - now its here. I tried to do something normal today, I drove to my little hippy shop but it was closed... so I just drove. Then I came home, emailed more people...hoping that the magick word would be said and then I had a sleep... then I woke with a start and decided to go to Katoomba. I thought if I bought myself something it would take the pain away.... so I am now the proud owner of a GreenMan rondel that I will hang in my home.... but I look at it and it means nothing now....oh my god, this ache is just dreadful.

Monday June 18th

2007-06-18T14:39:00.000+10:00

right now my heart is absolutely breaking in two. I cannot stand the raw grief. I sit at this computer waiting for an email from someone, so I can pour my heart out, or for someone to come onto the yahoo chat, so I can at least talk to someone who understands. I cannot stand the going to sleep at night, hoping beyond all hope that when I wake in the morning, this will all be a dream. The knowing that there is never going to be another email from Hilary, that not another sabbat lesson is coming to me at each turn of the wheel of the year.

she use to tell me how to treat the faeries, .... now I am on my own. She gave me snippets of ideas on how to decorate my home with a magickal feel... Oh God, I loved her garden, I loved her home and I adored her. last night I cried and sobbed and wanted to go and just lie on the ground outside - but it was wet and freezing.. I wanted to find her star. I feel like screaming NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ! I always wanted a bosom buddy, just like Ann - Hilary was my Diana Barry, god gave me what I had prayed for and now she has been taken away. It is not fair, not bloody fair.

selfish I may sound and I make no apologies - I haven't a thing to give to anyone right now - it is all for me.

like I said to a friend - I want someone to wave their magick wand and take the pain away

see you in my dreams

2007-06-17T15:57:00.000+10:00

farewell my best friend, my sweet heart sister * you will be with me always.

I miss you already xoxo

oh god, my heart is breaking

what dreams are made of :~

2007-06-16T16:21:00.000+10:00

last year, when I was busy being attuned to reiki and taking course after course on various healing modalities and being told by Doreen Virtue that I had a 'divine life purpose' - all I was doing really, was stressing myself out... I became a reiki 'master' in 3 easy lessons and virtually ran around thinking I was going to heal the world...... forgetting about me.

After the 'let down' with the Doreen Virtue Angel Intuitive course (yes, I am an AI) ... I continued on, searching for whatever it was that I was supposed to be 'doing' here ....... and oneday, I was outside, thinking to myself,and asking again, what the damn hell my divine life purpose was and if I really had one. . . and I heard clearly - "this life you are here to be healed, not to be the healer" - it really was like a bolt of lightning, very plainly stated - by angels, I believe..... so the end of 2006 came and 2007 rolled in ......

the other night - I was 'asleep' and I saw myself in a green forest surrounded with faeries - I was a healer. I was a woman and I had bags hanging off my rope belt. It seemed that I was hidden in the forest by the faery folk - I was human and people from nearby villages would come to me for potions and wisdom & healing.

Waking up - I thought to myself - just what the hell is my life purpose this time? I heard a voice, distinctly saying - "physician heal thy self" - and now I know, that this life IS a healing one for ME- I have all the healing tools or knowledge inside and they will be revealed as I need them. No one else can heal me, I don't have to give my power away to anyone - I have all the answers for me.

All my life, I have pondered herbs, weeds, rocks & stones... mixing up potions in a bowl when I was a child... wrapping the potions around my teddy's leg.. I had altars & I had beads and I got immense pleasure from doing 'voodoo' dances, much to my mothers horror, she thought I was on the road straight to hell (of course, she thought this only because of society's conditioning) ....... it is like I have all this knowledge inside from previous incarnations - and now, I am beginning to think that maybe this 'life' that I saw was somewhere in Wales or maybe even Cornwall ....definately somewhere in a Celtic land

this new moon

2007-06-15T12:36:00.000+10:00

“By their Tre, their Pol, and Pen,
Ye shall know the Cornish men.”

I just cannot believe how things happen in life ~ last night I was sitting here, searching desperately for my roots when I decided to click on a link that had been sent to me ages ago ... and decided to search for Francis Tregilgas.... and there he was - full family tree, completed back to 1480.
descendants of John Tregilgas

they come from areas such as St. Ewe & Kea, Veryan & Mevagissey, St. Enoder and of course, St Columb Major - most of the early family seem to have been tinners.... whatever that is.

I haven't varified any of this yet - but it sure looks like my tree. A lady in the UK has been re-searching the Tregilgas name for many, many years - these are the results of her findings... it seems to me that she is the daughter of Laura's sister Louisa.. so we have a common link with Francis and Elizabeth.... when I found this late last night, I was beside myself with excitement - and it has made me feel even more settled. so I am a true cornish girl - through and through.

*sigh*

changing track. . .

2007-06-14T07:23:00.000+10:00

yesterday I had afternoon tea with a friend who wants to organize a croning circle for me on December 1st.. one month before I made my way into this lifetime (I told you the croning was taking of like Topsy!). The cafe was called Mountain Magick and I had Apple and Rhubarb crumble - yum !

Then I went to the Post Office in Woodford - to get an idea of how much it will cost to send a charm pack for this ceremony.... hmm. the quote was quite alot so I am going to revise how I will organize it...... which is good news for those who missed out in the 'quota' -

if you want to be part of this 'coming of age' of mine then this is what YOU will have to do before December 1st:

post me some words of wisdom - they can be a poem, words of wisdom that mean something special or even your own thoughts....

plus a crystal or stone that is indigenous to your part of the world (it can be a bought crystal or one you find on a walk.. or even a shell if you live near the beach)... (the reason I am asking this is, that I want a little bit of each friends' world on the altar at my celebratory circle. there will be a few other things that I may request but I will keep the request small so that you won't need to get a loan for the postage. I will also need your birth date.

MY part of the bargain is to send YOU a package on your birthday next year. That way, I can make each little package specially for each person with a crystal that I believe will be the one for them...

so after all that, if you are still interested let me know. I will be putting a list in the sidebar of my croning blog of participants and there will be a cut off point for joining.. not sure when that will be (note - only open to those of you who I know!)

keep reading my croning blog ... there will be lots of little rituals for you to do and other stuff that I am discovering on this little sidetrack journey of mine

the Croning of miss*R

desperately seeking.

2007-06-13T08:55:00.000+10:00

I am an aussie girl with Cornish blood rushing through my veins, yes!

still not satisfied that I have at last proved I am from good Cornish stock. oh no! I need to find more and it is proving difficult. Because I just don't know which way to go from here - each time I find a website - I have to pay. Which of course I don't mind doing, if I am going to discover someone who belongs in my tree. pay 5 pounds here or buy vouchers there..or join for 299 pounds a year... but which one to choose? Or I can pay researchers to do it for me for 25 pounds an hour !

this is what I know so far:

Laura Tregilgas was born 1872 in East Stonehouse, Devon UK

to parents:

Francis Tregilgas - born 1833 in St Columb, Cornwall, UK (parents - William & Catherine *I think*)

and

Elizabeth Curnow - born 1835, Perran, Cornwall, UK (father - John *I think)

*Francis and Elizabeth were married in 1858 and lived in Bodmin Cornwall from 1861 until they moved to Devon sometime before 1881.

as far as I can make out - Francis and Elizabeth had 8 children - one of whom was my great grandma, Laura.

of course, these names aren't unusual, making it harder to trace.... I desperately want to find a little more - I don't want to hug some far distant cousin nor do I want to make a claim on the family fortune ( I don't think there is one) - however, I would love to know where my wiccan roots come from and I am planning on visiting Cornwall, either next year or the year after and I want to walk the places that my ancestors did and maybe find out just why my soul yearns so much.

my coming to the goddess age

2007-06-12T07:02:00.000+10:00

oh lord, this Croning ceremony, has taken off like a runaway train! I decided to open another blog dedicated to my croning and wanted online friends to participate... however - I will have to limit the numbers (to 13) that are actually a part of receiving the gift from me on my birthday (january 1) due to the high postage costs.... unfortunately the quota has been reached but you can read all about the process here:
coming into the goddess age

and as we go along, I would love if you would like to participate in any way you wish to!

blessed B xo

winter solstice gift goes to. . .

2007-06-11T09:21:00.000+10:00

Blue !!!

yes Gillian from Blue's tranquility base will receive a yule-tide gift from down here where the winter solstice is coming up!

It will be sent off tomorrow ~ blessed B xo

winter solstice gift-away

2007-06-10T08:33:00.000+10:00

* ~ * above is a winter solstice collage that will be included in the gift * ~ *

don't forget to sign up here for the winter solstice gift-away! I draw the name on Monday (my time) - blessed B xoxo

coming up for us soon is the winter solstice - yule-tide. Being winter, I am in the mood for creating some fabric craft for Christmas - what better time than when the weather is cold, a hint of snow every now and then - the perfect season for it! It is just at the wrong time of year. However - it is yule-tide in Australia and there is not a thing I can do about it.

we don't do gifts at this time of year so to make it kind of 'real' - I thought a little gift-away would help me get into the yule-tide spirit.

all you have to do is comment on this post and your name will go in the drawing. I will close it on 11th June so that gives me plenty of time to get the gift to the winner by Winter Solstice - June 22....

blessed be!

the Croning

2007-06-08T09:06:00.000+10:00

it is just under six months til I reach 50 years of age! as most of my readers know, I have struggled for a year or two with all manner of emotions. In 2001, I was put into instant menopause at age 43 - radiation killing my ovaries. So for the past few years I have been taking HRT, sporadically. When I forget to take it - I am a raving and ranting lunatic - falling prey to a melancholy that is just awful - couple that with being severely influenced by the moon - well, I am sure you all know...
quite a few of you have supported me through my ups and downs - giving sage advice when I ask - emails that sometimes touch me to the very core....

* a friend emailed me a few months back - talking about my age, approaching normal menopause. She likes to think of it as the "goddess" age instead of the crone.

in her words:

""Most people call it the "Crone stage" ~ I call it the Goddess stage, because when you think about it, you can only become a Goddess when you have enough life experience. Goddess is so much nicer than crone, more stately and commanding. We must always remember we are remarkable, experienced, commanding women, that have battled through life and should now be due some serenity

WELCOME TO THE CLUB I have never talked about it because the other person has to achieve it themselves, it happens in its own time and won' t be hurried.
From now on you can learn everything again from you Goddess perspective. Just relax and enjoy.""

so coming up to 50, I am going to plan a Croning Ceremony. I have been reading about it in a book I have - Sacred Ceremony by Steven Farmer ~ not sure how I will do it but I am planning on having a little online ceremony here on my blog, somehow - I hope you will all come and celebrate with me!

the beginning of winter in my garden

2007-06-07T07:47:00.000+10:00

time to prune. in times gone by, our property was an orchard and I have a few of the original trees, still growing in my yard ~ one being a pear tree. This poor old gal has had a hard life. Last week - I cleared around the ground underneath, planted some comfrey around the drip line and mulched her. But she needed a haircut - a pruning. So Tuesday, just gone - Marion, a friend of mine came up and helped me to prune my old pear tree. She is all tidy now and when fruiting time comes, I will be able to net her, to stop those white cockatoos from destroying every last pear.

and ~ damn possums !!! yes, Daisy, I do curse. especially when possums chew my plants.
I had seeded an area with lupins - to creat a green manure in readiness for my potato crop.. and as each tiny seed burst its little head out of the soil - the damn native possums nipped the little heads right off - leaving a patch of green stalks!
some might say that possums are cute but me thinks not - I keep thinking possum pie - just like Granny Clampett.

I also pruned my ornamental grape vine - it was out of control. Now it is just a stick and hopefully next spring, when it starts to shoot - I will be able to train it alot better than I have in the past - I just have to remember to do it each day, otherwise it grows overnight, much like a triffid !
being a witch and it being Yule-tide for me - I wanted to make a wreath for my door - we don't have the greenery that is available in the Northern Hemisphere - I wish I had access to Holly & Mistletoe - but unless I go raiding the neighbours gardens, it does not grow wild here - so I substitute. I used the prunings from my grape vine:

above are my prunings and below - the first stage

then I cut some small rosehips to weave into the wreath - I am going to add berries, cinnamon sticks, stars, garland and bells & hang a little talisman bag from it - full of the Yuletide crystals - Bloodstone, garnet, jet, obsidian, onyx, peridot,
quartz, sapphire, serpentine. I will probably do a little sacred ceremony on June 22 with some frankincense incense to bless the wreath and ask the faeries to protect my home during the coming year.

there is something about the photo below that I liked - I don't know what it is - maybe the shadows, the dark & light....

honesty needed - beware a soul journey post

2007-06-04T08:17:00.000+10:00

I woke this morning - early, around 4.30 am (as I do at the moons waning) and I couldn't go back to sleep. So, I grabbed my knee rug and went out to my little sitting room - where my fire was still burning and where my big snuggly chair lives. And as I do at this time of morning I got to thinking - and fretting of course - so I decided to post what has been bothering me

I need some honest opinions, constructive critiscm - not character assasination though xo ~ those who can access my blog are my friends so I feel that your opinions may help me do some more soul work. I am not asking so that I can get kudos or praise - I just need to work through this for my own sanity.

here ya go :

what is it about me that some people don't like ? I honestly, from the bottom of my heart ~ try to be nice to everyone - I don't feel that I come across short to people and most always I am very aware of what I write in my emails. However - just this past week something happened with a blogger who I thought was a friend - and for the life of me I cannot work out what - not going into details (and it was not ANY ONE who has access to this blog) but it has happened often over the years with various people and now I am begginning to think it may be me.

so ~ please if you have any thoughts on this, I would be very grateful. some may hurt but I can deal with that (I think) -

I know not everyone is going to like everyone else - the world is not like that, I know but I just wonder why people like me oneday and the next I am receiving 'narky' & sarcastic emails.

I know I am not a saint at all - god forbid! I do get angry sometimes and can be a down right - awful person but most times I think I am fairly easy going.

so what is it ???

Peter n me

2007-06-03T22:16:00.000+10:00

one of my best friends is Peter. I have known him for over 17 years. He is 74. Last night we went to black and white dinner dance to raise money for one of his charities. Just a country dance, nothing fancy but had alot of fun. Peter is a stickler for doing everything right and is known for his amazing dinner parties - often cooking 3 courses for over 20 or so of his friends. We celebrate New Year with him every year. He is a florist & a chef by trade - having travelled to London when he was young and at one stage did floristry work for the Palace.

both photos were taken by Joe - who is not a professional photographer as you can see, but I love the one above - it captures both of us so well.

class distinction

2007-06-02T08:09:00.000+10:00

just lately, I have been having discussions with a very good friend about class distinction in society. Living down here in Australia, we don't have 'classes' as such. Oh we have the hoity toity society set, who get their names in all the papers and we do have our intellectuals who always think they are above everyone. I don't quite understand class distinction or snobbery - I can remember learning about it in high school and the Feudal system... but that was history. as a child it didn't really exist for me. I guess there were girls who thought they were above the rest of us - but I accepted that and moved on.

being of 'good cornish stock' I guess I am of the working class ~ I certainly wasn't born with a silver spoon in my mouth.... but just what is it that makes these upper class snobs think that they are any better than me ? ? ? funny thing is - I have come across it on blogging - yes, shock & horror.. snobbery is alive and well.

The divisions among classes in the 18th Century varied by the person describing the classes. An interesting description is that by Daniel Defoe (Quoted from Porter, English Society, pp. 67-8).

1. The great, who live profusely

2. The rich, who live plentifully

3. The middle sort, who live well

4. The working trades, who labour hard, but feel no want

5. The country people, farmers, etc. who fare indifferently

6. The poor, who fare hard

7. The miserable, that really pinch and suffer want

today

2007-06-01T09:15:00.000+10:00

ONCOLOGIST CHECKUP TODAY! so, I sit and play on the computer, wander around my home, fiddling & fidgeting, knowing there is washing to do and beds to make. and not caring at all. feeling sick in my stomach. I KNOW I don't have cancer but each yearly checkup, I go through this same thing....

lord, please make this day race by and get it over with for yet another year.

out n about in Coffs Harbour

2007-05-30T06:55:00.000+10:00

While we were at Dorrigo - I started to put some hand cream on and noticed that my wedding ring was missing - then I realized that I had left it on the bedside table back in the Bendemeer Pub - I was distraught - bursting into tears. Joe of course was so comforting saying we could get another one if we didn't get it back - but I was so upset, saying that this ring had been through alot with me - the birth of our child, the death of my dad, the cancer treatments and many more. So a quick phone call to the publican and it was found - they are sending it by mail back to me.

We arrived and settled into our room and the phone rang - our bank was questioning purchases that had been made over the past week on our business card. It had gone over the limit! We assured them we were nowhere near the area that it had been used and that our credit card had been skimmed somewhere while purchasing petrol and the scum bags had a party - spending over $20,000 in a week. So now the fraud squad is involved. Thankfully our bank will be refunding all the money.

after that fiasco - we had a cup of tea and a little siesta.

The next few days were spent with friends, just cruising around. On Saturday morning we had to muster at the local football field for the grand parade - what an absolutely amazing experience that was - over 4000 bikes riding through the town. The streets were lined by locals, waving flags - they even had the elderly from nursing homes, out in their wheel chairs ~ to sit and watch. So I sat on the back waving like the Queen!

I asked Joe to take a photo of my leather jacket - my hair is no where near that colour - it must have been the sun shining on all that chrome - reflecting onto my hair.

below is a photo I took of a guy on his bike - I thought he looked pretty cool.

and you have to laugh - my daughters think I am going through some mid-life crisis. When I saw air brush tatoos - I decided to get one - and messaged Sophie, telling her I had just had a rose tatooed onto my arm. A few seconds later, she called and asked me what the hell I was doing. To which I replied - ' hey, that's nothing, Dad had his nipple piereced' ....

(he didn't really) but her reaction was hilarious !!!!!

the tatoo washed - off after much scrubbing - I am not really a tat girl.

although I do have my radiation tatoos - three tiny dots - that absolutely killed when they were done... so that turned me off for life.

on the way up

2007-05-29T06:54:00.000+10:00

what an adventure! 1400 klms on the back of a bike - a Harley, no less - cruising some of the most picturesque areas of our country.
we left at the 6.30 am on Thursday - the day winter started for us - a cold 5 deg C. A heavy, heavy frost. Up through the Putty Valley where the sun never hits during winter - me hanging on for grim death hoping that there was no black ice on the road. I had angels at each corner of the bike. Bill the guy we were travelling with is in his '60's and what a maniac. He left us for dead. I am grateful that Joe is a safe rider and keeps to the speed limits.... up hill and down dale we went - til I tapped him on the shoulder and said it was time for a break. I was absolutely freezing ~ even though I had thermals on, two pairs of socks and multiple scarves. It was damn cold. When I hopped off my feet felt like blocks of ice.... continuing on until it was morning tea time.. a quick cup of hot coffee and some toast and off again... we tried to stop about every hour and a half just to stretch. Lunch was at a pub in Tamworth - Joe and I shared fish n chips.. as we were leaving, an old man came up to me and told me that I looked stunning on the back of the bike, then he continued on to tell me of how his dear departed wife and himself were bikers back 'then'. I felt so sorry for him, they had been married 35 years and she had died a year or so ago. He was lost - as we rode out, he blew kisses and yelled out - *I love you all* (I think he may have been having a little tipple in the pub). Around 4pm, we arrived at Bendemeer Hotel where we were spending the first night. We went to book in and found there had been a mistake made - we only had one room between the 3 of us ! hmmmmm - I was not impressed but I was told by the barmaid to 'take it or leave it, luv' - so I took it and we spent the night in the same room as Bill.....after dinner the boys had a quick game of pool - lord, my mother would die if she knew what I was up to!

Up for breakfast - the temp was below freezing - minus 4 deg. C - thank heavens the bikes were locked in a shed.... bacon & eggs for breakfast and off we went. It was cold but warmed up quite quickly as we were travelling north. The road from the New England area across to the coast is gorgeous - rainforest. Unfortunately, I haven't yet mastered the art of taking pictures from the back of the bike as we ride along, so no pictures of when we were travelling... but here is a link to a town called Dorrigo where we had morning tea.
DORRIGO
then we continued on to Coffs Harbour - arriving just before lunch.
At this rally there were over 6,000 people and 4,000 bikes registered. The Ulysses group was formed about 25 years ago by 3 australian men over 50, who just wanted to ride for enjoyment. Their motto is "Grow Old Disgracefully" ~ I was amazed and touched by the camaraderie among all of these people - they said hello to us, they waved as we rode in and always a nod as we passed on the road....there is so much more to tell and I will continue tomorrow but here are some photos to show just how many bikes there were!

the photos above and below were taken from a crane that Joe went up in while we were waiting to go in the grand parade! These guys aren't an out-law motorcycle group - just a bunch of old men & women who love to ride

below is a snap I took from the ground - everywhere I turned it was like this. We went for a walk and ended up losing our bike for quite a few minutes - very easy to do in a crowd like this

off we go into the wild blue yonder

2007-05-23T14:53:00.000+10:00

yes, Joe & I are off riding for a few days - there is a Ulysses convention up on the north coast of New South Wales in a town called Coffs Harbour.

Originally, Joe was riding up by himself ~ I was going to stay at home with Sophie but have decided to go - on the back of the bike! I admit to suffering separation anxiety when Joe and I are apart.

That and also coming up on June 1st is my yearly oncology checkup - that always puts me into a spin. I woke during the night crying - after a horrid dream of re-living the whole cancer story of mine. It is something that happens periodically, I have learnt to deal with it best I can and that is all I can do.

this is our new bike - a Harley Davidson Road King - we bought it a few weeks back!

I would like also to thank those of you who have continued to comment here while I go through my reflective period - I know it has been a one-sided blogging friendship lately and I am truly sorry.. I have been having email discussions with a very, very good friend who has helped me tremendously and when I feel I can share - I will post the story.

so with that, as well as this on-line course with Starhawk, I have been going through a period of change, so to speak....

I am a godmother!!!

2007-05-22T06:23:00.000+10:00

yes - Diva gave birth while I was asleep last night:

it's a boy! well, two actually

Peggy was one of the first bloggers that I had contact with - when I discovered her, I fell in love with her lifestyle and her charm. I count Peggy as one of my best online friends. Then she got Diva - and I fell in love. her antics make me laugh - being a Capricorn, I feel a certain affinity with Diva and now she is a mum.
Congratulation to Peggy & Diva (and Nitro of course) !!

global warming is not a myth

2007-05-18T08:21:00.000+10:00

for Mothers Day, Joe gave me a subscription to the Diggers Club of Australia - a club for gardeners that "aims to provide the best seeds, plants products and advice that the environmentally aware gardener could need". They specialize in heirloom vegetables and unimproved flowers.
They have a terrific website and many, many articles on environmental issues. here is a link to those articles - articles which will open your eyes to just how bad the state of our earth is and how much we need and can do to help.

INTERESTING ENVIRONMENTAL ARTICLES

the stillness of this new moon

2007-05-17T11:55:00.000+10:00

so weird. this morning while I was outside, I noticed a stillness. a quietness - it is like the moon is resting and the earth along with it. Oh the birds were singing, the washing machine was going, clothes hanging in the sun, traffic noise in the background. BUT it was quiet. I found it quite comforting actually - like our earth was resting along with the moon, getting energy to cope with all that is happening out there. today I am cleaning and as I do, I am burning the samhain incense that Daisy sent me - with this stillness, it still feels like Samhain to me

I took a few dark moon photos of my garden and I believe that you can even sense the resting of the moon in them...

see how all the leaves are now falling - but, how odd is it that my gardenias are still blooming at this time of year - curiouser & curiouser.....

even the peace flags are still & notice all the leaves under my apple tree - I will rake these up over the weekend and put into my compost.....and even my vegie garden below is in resting mode - I am getting it ready to plant beetroot, onions and potatoes.

we all need to ground ourselves

2007-05-15T17:28:00.000+10:00

there is much going on before this dark moon - people are feeling really odd. Moonstones aren't even doing it for me right now. I have them beside my bed, a moonstone pyramid under my bed. I have my black obsidian and I am wearing my moonstone pendant. seems to me that I need more.

I think we need to do a grounding. You can do this inside but it is so much better if you can kick your shoes off and be really connected to earth.

*take your time doing this grounding meditation... there is no rush...

stand somewhere that you feel is a sacred space for you and close your eyes - loosen yourself up & be totally relaxed.*

Imagine the trunk of your body is that of a tree - with roots growing from your feet - deep into the earth. Through all the root fibres of other plants, through crystals, rocks and stones. seeking out pockets to grip into. wrapping around those rocks and crystals. gathering energy and grounding as you go. going deep down through all layers of time - until you come to the heart of our earth - the core. Rest in the warmth of this molten heart & feel connected to all that is . Now bring that energy back up - back through all the layers of time - bring with you that connectedness, that grounding. Right back up through your trunk to the crown of your head and out through the space where your head was open at birth - spilling down over your body, like branches of a tree. stay with this for as long as you need. When you are ready, kneel down and touch the ground with your hands.... earthing yourself. Open your eyes and breath.

I do this quite often. when I feel ditzy and spaced out. it gives me a grounded-ness.

let's hope it works this time!

the dark moon this month

2007-05-15T08:01:00.002+10:00

oh boy, as I have said before - this dark moon is affecting me more than ever. the past few months haven't been so bad I think that is because I was on a course of tissue salts following the moon's cycle - however, I forgot to keep it going and maybe this is why I am stumbling & reflective. I am not depressed nor am I melancholy and I do have alot to say - I just can't get it out - like whispers of fog that I just can't grasp.

the new moon for us down here, is Thursday 16th May at 5.35am. I cannot wait!

thankfully I have a few online friends who understand completely and they have been counselling me through it ~ as one of these friends said

"Sit tight...this will pass, like it has before. Each time, you emerge with a new take on things, don't fight it..let it happen."

yes, I will take that, looking back, it makes alot of sense to me -

so everybody - sit tight, by Friday I should be on my way to being normal.

where do I go from here?

2007-05-14T09:49:00.000+10:00

I wonder. the dark moon coming up has made me go inside myself more than usual. I am withdrawing and it worries me. I am NOT depressed. I wonder where I go from here with my blogging. I wonder where I go with my 'spiritual journey'. It is like I am at that point again of which road to take.

I feel so much more settled since finding my Cornish roots - I feel a true connection but since starting the Earth as healer course with Starhawk, I have become more questioning of my life. It worries me that most of my friends are on-line. I don't have friends in the real world that I talk to like I 'talk' to those friends online. I have Joe, my partner who is my best friend and I am very, very fortunate in that. But it worries me that I am putting all my eggs in one basket so to speak. I do not mind my own company at all, at least I know what I am talking about. I love to be by myself in the garden, knowing my ancestors are there with me - but they are not 'there' to hug me or to reply to my questions.

my blogging has changed so many times and I feel in my soul that right now, I am standing at a crossroads with it - which way to take? I do not want to get caught up in it all again like I have done. I do not want to get caught up in the frenzy of swaps or give-aways. I made my blog private -invitation only because I had many people reading and never commenting, it is NOT the comments that concern me. It is more - why do they read and not comment, ever? Would they come and sit in my home, watching my daily life and not talk? it kind of freaked me out a little.

I have a wonderful life here in my little corner of the world - a place that I want to share with those who I care about and can call a good friend. I want to read about how your days are, see your area where you live and read about how you are feeling.

I want to show you what it is like to live on the other side of the world (for some anyhow) ... so bear/bare? (never know which one) with me for a while til I sort it all out.

where have you been?

2007-05-08T07:07:00.000+10:00

"Oh, where have you been, my blue-eyed son? Oh, where have you been, my darling young one?"

~I've stumbled on the side of twelve misty mountains, I've walked and I've crawled on six crooked highways, I've stepped in the middle of seven sad forests, I've been out in front of a dozen dead oceans, I've been ten thousand miles in the mouth of a graveyard, And it's a hard, and it's a hard, it's a hard, and it's a hard, And it's a hard rain's a-gonna fall.~

- BOB DYLAN -

well, not quite - but I have been contemplating the world - taking part in this course with Starhawk has made me realize just how fragile our world is & how much we need to do to help heal it.

I have been wondering where I am going with blogging

I have been researching composting methods and permaculture

and I have been in my garden.

I have been suffering hayfever after mixing 4 bales of lucerne and 2 bales of straw to use as mulch on my garden.

I have been mixing vegimite, malt and water to put into empty lemonade bottles to capture fruit fly

& I have been snuggling.

this is taken from my lavender garden - looking towards the front of my home

The moon is waning and I am going inward.

For some reason I don't have alot to say.

Yesterday I was in the garden for a few hours. I am feeling very connected to the earth these days which is good for me.

I was weeding and looking at my Feverfew & I noticed, about 6 ins in front of my face, a hoverfly - just hovering right in front of me. I saw its face! And its eyes - like it was actually saying hello to me. It hovered for quite a few mins, I stood still and just watched - it could have been a faery in disguise.

Now, THAT - was an amazing experience.

the month of Mary

2007-05-02T10:41:00.000+10:00

on the catholic calendar, May is supposedly the month of Mary. And even though I don't consider myself a 'christian' in the real term - I do have a strong devotion to Mary..... gee, I don't really know what I am in terms of religion - I was baptised a Church of England, did one year with the seventh day adventists when I was 12. Confirmed into the catholic church at the age of 33 - tried buddhism and many other ways of 'believing' - have been a 'witch' all my life without knowing it....

as usual, I get off the subject - during May, I like to honour Mary - with roses - a bunch picked from my garden in front of one of my vintage statues....

this month I also hope to build a shrine outside in my garden - much like the one in Under the Tuscan sun. a place where I can go and put flowers whenever I need some extra *help*.

and did you know that lady beetles/bugs are really 'our lady's bugs'? tis true!

"In the olden days, British farmers prayed to the Virgin Mary for help with their crops. Then ladybugs arrived and helped the farmers by eating crop-eating bugs and saved farmers' crops. In honor of these bugs, the farmers called the beetles "Our Lady's beetle," which turned into ladybug."

Samhain

2007-04-30T17:07:00.000+10:00

above is my Samhain altar in my dining room - photos of my grandmas, a ring that belonged to my nan, my dad's kookaburra rattle, some knuckle bones that were my grandmas and a piece of jet - I will light a black candle at dusk which will burn until dawn ( well, that is the theory!)

I am quite new to this and learning as I go along - with the help of a wonderful friend.... kind like 'witches school' - does that mean I will become a member of the black hat brigade?

Samhain ~ the day when the veil is thinnest between the worlds. I wonder if this is why I have been seeing flits of light lately? a few nights ago, I woke around 2am in the morning and there was a bright light next to my bed, that flashed away when I opened my eyes.... I have also been seeing sparkles on and off for the past few weeks.....

I was sitting here looking at Laura's photo and imagining what it would have been like for her parents living in Cornwall in the 1800's and I went into a kind of meditative state and even heard my great-great grandfather..... strange things happen or else I am losing my mind....

so Samhain down here - not alot happens as we don't have the commercialism of Halloween to deal with.... I gathered some apple leaves that had fallen on the ground and placed them into a terracotta pot - and thought I would have a lovely little bonfire - to keep those wandering spirits away - not a real good idea as it smoked and smoked - with Joe racing out thinking what the hell I had done.... so I will just stick to lighting lots of candles... dinner tonight is whatever I can find really - sausages and the remainder of my zucchinis just picked from my garden.

to all of my friends up in the Northern Hemisphere - I wish a blessed Beltane! xo

come, for a wander, to my sacred space and see what we can find...

2007-04-29T09:19:00.000+10:00

I have a sacred space under my ancient pine tree - a place where I believe faeries live, a place where I have an altar to leave little gifts to the fay, a place where I meditate and sometimes talk to the faeries - there is a gate and a seat......
gorgeous sunlight twinkles through the leaves of my persimmon tree -

and then I saw it . . .

and another ~ just before Samhain - I wonder......

So, caution my friend, as you walk and sing
Do not step into a Faerie ring;
Beware Fae food or a Faerie kiss,
O, lest your life as mortal,
..missed.
Written By
Bexboomer

look closely and tell me what you see. . .

and I don't want to hear theories of why the mushrooms grow under pine trees nor do I want explanations of anything you may see in my photos - 'cause ~

I BELIEVE !!!

not much to report from down-under

2007-04-28T07:32:00.000+10:00

I really don't have alot to say - can you believe that?

I started a 6 week on-line course this week with Starhawk - called "Earth as Healer" and have been grounding myself outside quite a bit - amazing what you notice when there is a set task....

we have been asked to observe our 'special place' and to wonder - not worry about answers just to wonder....

I wonder why some leaves on my apple tree turn yellow before others.......I wonder what the birds are saying when they burst into 'song'.....I wonder where all the christmas beetles have gone....I wonder why my persimmon tree produces fruit, year after year and the tree next door produces nothing..... I wonder why snail shells turn white after the snail dies.....

the avenue of flowering plum trees that grow down the side of my home are nearly completely bare - it is raining today and you can hear the plants sighing in relief - they know that mother nature won't let them down - she will send rain when her children are thirsty..... I wonder why rain makes a plant perk up so much - we can water all we like but a drop of rain is like magick!

below is a photo of my front garden - taken this morning - the persimmon seems to have decided on a gorgeous gown for this years autumn ball - she has produced alot of fruit - the birds are having a ball with their share - they sing and carry on all day in her branches...

ANZAC Day

2007-04-25T12:00:00.000+10:00

above is a pot of Rosemary - for remembrance - this plant was taken from a cutting of a rosemary plant that is growing in Gallipoli - funny how our Anzac day falls just before Samhain, where we remember our deceased loved ones and rosemary is one of the herbs of this sabbat.

They shall grow not old....as we that are left grow old,
Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn,
At the going down of the sun, and in the morning, we will remember them.

"LEST WE FORGET"

today our nation pauses to remember this day - April 25th, 1915 - a day when Australian and New Zealand soldiers landed on the beach at Gallipoli.

"On a dark Sunday morning, 25 April, 1915, the soldiers landed in the dark and under heavy fire, climbed steep cliffs covered in prickly scrub and won a foothold on the plateau and ridges. The next eight months saw many feats of courage and bravery on both sides. Apart from the heavy casualties from attack and counter attack, the lines were so close that there was no respite from the heavy bombing, shells and mines. "

" 7 600 Australians and nearly 2 500 New Zealanders were mortally wounded at Gallipoli and 24 000 more were wounded. Fewer than 100 were taken prisoner. However, it was not so much that Gallipoli with all its hardships, heroics and suffering was any worse than the other wars that Australians have since taken part in, it was that this was the first real test of our country as a nation. And we did not fail!!! "

"So every year on April 25, we have a day of remembrance where we can express our gratitude to all those men and women then and since, who helped keep our country free from invasion; to acknowledge our debt to these men and women, their wives and husbands, mothers and children and our obligation to those who gave their lives to protect our way of life. "

this morning we attended our local ANZAC march and bought packets of ANZAC bicuits of the ladies in the war fund.... yummy. My heart swells with pride as I wave and clap at the old men who fought for our country. Whether you believe in war or not, these men are heroes. God bless each and every one of them.

if only

2007-04-24T08:19:00.000+10:00

this was sent by one of the many yahoo groups that I am in *

Obligations of the True Path Walkers

To bring back the natural harmony that humans once enjoyed.
To save the planet from present practices of destruction.
To find and re-employ real truth.
To promote true balance between both genders.
To share and be less materialistic.
To become rid of prejudice.
To learn to be related.

To be kind to animals and take no more than we need.
To play with one's children and love each equally and fairly.
To be brave and courageous, enough so,
to take a stand and make a commitment.
To understand what Generations Unborn really means.
To accept the Great Mystery
in order to end foolish argument over religion.

~Author unknown to me~

live Earth - cooling our planet or boosting their egos?

2007-04-21T07:13:00.000+10:00

I am a little confused lately about the state of our planet - or more specifically the motives of these 'famous people' who are jumping on the bandwagon so that they can help us all to do our best to cool our planet. People like Madonna, the Red Hot Chilli Peppers and Sting and many Australian 'famous people' - plus other big ego people ( I bet Bono jumps on this wagon too!) are all staging a world wide concert to encourage us all to plant a tree or build a compost heap or ride a pushbike to work. The brain child of Al Gore. I believe a very good idea in theory. But really who are they doing it for ? My household, according to studies generates approx. 9 tonnes of carbon per year. Research has also shown that the Wembley concert alone will produce approx 3000 tonnes of carbon. HUH ???? - would it not be better for each 'famous person' to plant trees, acres of them?
then there are the statistics of various concerts and their carbon production... we can talk about the carbon gases produced by these 'famous people' when they fly their jets to buy a milkshake in some exotic location. or how Al Gore's home consumed 20 times more energy than the average US home... does Al Gore or Madonna have a compost heap? Do they turn their lights of every Wednesday night for an hour? I think not.

a wonderful idea in theory but you really have to 'walk the walk' not just 'talk the talk'

the nasturtium faery

2007-04-20T06:48:00.000+10:00

of course there is a nasturtium faery, silly billy me! there is a faery for every single plant on our gorgeous earth.

The Song of
The Nasturtium Fairy

Nasturtium the jolly,
O ho, O ho!
He holds up his brolly
Just so, just so!
(A shelter from showers,
A shade from the sun;)
'Mid flame-coloured flowers
He grins at the fun.
Up fences he scrambles,
Sing hey, sing hey!
All summer he rambles
So gay, so gay -
Till the night-frost strikes chilly,
And Autumn leaves fall,
And he's gone, willy-nilly,
Umbrella and all.

are there faeries in my garden?

2007-04-19T08:39:00.000+10:00

I took a wander around my back garden this morning - picking citrus bugs off my orange & lime trees, looking at the basil which has just about finished for the year and noticing how the garden is truly getting ready for winter - I love this time of year!

the morning is a crisp autumn one - the grass heavy with dew, the choughs having a fine old time in my magnolia, the magpies warbling and little finches in their hundreds twittering away in the ancient apple tree......

*yes, the same apple tree that I 'saved' - 'cept I didn't do a real good job as the borer is still munching away at the heart wood. But the apple tree is holding its own - it still looks healthy and hey! it is over 75 years old so it deserves to have a few barnacles and bumps.

do you think faeries live here?

Joe made me this birdhouse for my 40th birthday - behind is a lemon, just outside my kitchen door - I use old lemonade bottles for fly traps - along with a mixture of vegimite, sugar and water it is supposed to trap fruit fly before it can sting the fruit..

and nasturiums - I love them! the way they self seed everywhere. My grandfather grew these in his garden and would eat the leaves on bread and butter - an acquired taste. I wonder if there are nasturtium faeries?

the autumn ball

2007-04-17T09:56:00.000+10:00

the faeries are busy in my garden getting the trees ready for their autumn ball. They have started to dress the trees in the autumn finery - leaves of gold, russet, burgundy and copper. over the weekend, they told me to get off my behind and get on with my job as 'official faery photographer' - they have been doing their work and were a little peeved that I had not being doing mine - they didn't take my search for my cornish roots seriously....

so I went for a wander in Leura and snapped away. . .

above is an avenue of trees - the faeries are having a hard time getting this family to decid just what colour to go with this year. . some are being difficult, they just don't want to shed their comfortable summer clothes..
as you see below, at least these twins have decided to go to the ball in matching burgundy gowns - making my faery friends job alot easier. . .

this gorgeous golden colour seems to be quite popular with many trees this year. . .

and another view of the trees in the autumn ball gowns - the faeries certainly have their job cut out for them this year with the array of colours available!

I have opened a can of worms

2007-04-16T22:41:00.000+10:00

yes ! - this family tree search has me like a woman possessed - or is that obsessed?

I think both!

I started with the Tregilgas that lead me to the Curnow family - not happy with knowing that I have real cornish blood flowing through my veins - oh no! I then decided to find out what happened to my ancestors - some seemed to disappear between census years. Of course there is no way of knowing what happened, I guess...

then I decided to start on my Nan's side of the family - big mistake! it takes me right back to Tennessee, Kentucky both in the US and also into Surrey in England.

if you don't hear from me, I am lost somewhere in Cornwall, in the 17th century.........

like a duck to water

2007-04-15T20:22:00.000+10:00

sorry if I haven't been to visit over the past few days - I have a life. Yes! I have been riding on the back of the Harley twice this weekend and I tell you, I love, love, love it! like a duckling taking to water. up hills and down dales, hanging on for dear life, sometimes gritting my teeth, but what fun. I tell ya, I am a regular dare devil. Of course, I was well protected.. in my pockets I had rosary beads, crystals, my lucky talisman. I blessed myself before I got on the bike and said a few hail marys when I got scared. I called out to any dead relative I could think of to come and help me be safe. I tell you, that bike was pretty crowded at some stages of our rides. But I lived to tell the tale and I am going again! Plus, each time I go, I get a reward for being brave.

Between bike rides, I have been ancestor hunting again and with the help of super sleuth Daisy Lupin, I have found some more relatives - in Cornwall of course - surname - Curnow....

if I go far enough back, maybe I will find myself in a previous incarnation.....

could this be me?. . .

cornish blood running through my veins

2007-04-14T06:48:00.000+10:00

yes! Laura has been found!

thanks to super sleuth DAISY LUPIN... she didn't settle til she found Laura for me - forgoing her housework, sleep & cooking I am sure.

I have been like some demented fool, searching the internet for my cornish roots like they were going to grow out of the computer screen, not sleeping, Joe telling me he is nearly out of socks, Sophie wanting to be fed And shock and horror, not even worrying about blogging. . .hello?. . . I am on a mission here, to find my cornish roots. . .

The name was spelled incorrectly that is why Laura was so hard to track down... but Daisy and her History major did not stop til the job was done... even though Laura was born in East Stonehouse, Devon ( and yes, I was so disappointed when I found this out) - her parents were born in Cornwall - father Francis in St Columb and mother Elizabeth in Perran. Funny thing too, is that Laura had a sister called Louisa, I never knew this til yesterday. & that is my eldest daughters name.

So I am from strong Cornish stock and have real cornish blood flowing through my veins. OMG! I cannot believe it - at last. (I know I sound over top, but I am really excited !)

I will never ever be able to thank Daisy enough! You just don't know how much this means to me. My mum was saying just the other day that she has noticed the older I get the more I am looking like Laura and I am even starting to do things in her ways - so I have the Tregilgas ways for sure... even my garden is looking like hers......I feel like that part of me that was missing is finally coming home. Now all I need is that promised trip to Cornwall and I will be complete.

the picture above was taken in Devon in 1914, just before Laura and her children left to come to Australia. The man with them is her brother Charles.... Laura's husband William had come to Australia with the Royal Navy and loved it so much he wanted his family to grow up here... sadly he died while on active duty ..she was left a widow in a strange land with all these children ..

and yet another belief of mine ~ totem animals

2007-04-12T07:28:00.000+10:00

sometimes people think I am weird, yes truly they do! They come to my home and begin to wonder about my sanity. You see, I cover all bases with my spiritual beliefs. I have statues of Mary, Joseph and St Therese scattered about my home. I have crucifixes and rosary beads - bells & tassles. I have altars to various gods scattered about my home.

My main altar is my heart belief - wiccan/pagan.

I have the Goddess Kwan Yin in my bathroom, buddhist prayer flags hanging around my home, I burn incense and on my front door I have oak twigs tied with red ribbon. I grid my home with crystals and I cast spells when I feel the urge. I talk to dead people and sometimes they answer. I believe I am surrounded by fairies, sometimes I can feel their sparkly larkles around me. Sometimes, I even question my own sanity.
until something happens to make me realize that it is not my imagination at all.....

I went to a meditation a few nights ago for a healing of a friend and I 'saw' a wolf and called him in... the next day - the friend who had the healing - pulled the wolf card from her card pack...
when I attended the Doreen Virtue seminar last year - I bought a book by her husband about power animals and it resonated with my soul.....
just last week a friend sent me this link to find your power animal - it is a wonderful tool... for those times when you need a little help & guidance from our animal friends (turn your sound on)
the enchanted forest

staring out at me. . .

2007-04-11T11:03:00.000+10:00

next to my computer I have a photo - a tin photo of my great grandma from Cornwall. Laura CURNOW Tregilgas. That is all I know of her... oh I know her children's names and her husband's name but I don't know exactly where in Cornwall that she actually lived - at the moment it is looking like either St. Austell, St.Erth or Redruth - all guesses.... She looks so sad - her husband was chief petty officer in the Royal Navy and they moved to Australia sometime in the early 1900's. He died while on active duty, leaving her in this strange land to bring up her children. She believed in the Fay, I am told. Does she look so sad because she is missing her Cornwall?
The other day, I 'saw' her while meditating - she was walking along a steep path along the edge of the ocean - I am sure she is helping me find her.... after all, her son, my Pa would say to me that I had the 'Tregilgas ways' whatever they are. . .

may you be blessed ~ a challenge

2007-04-10T07:58:00.000+10:00

I followed this link from a blog (can't remember where) and found this absolutely divine blessing
MAY YOU BE BLESSED

please watch it right through to the end - it is a kind of a challenge to send light & love to our world. *sigh* IF ONLY

also, please feel free to share the blessing link on your blog...

below is an invitation from the author:
"I also invite you to join me in spirit every day at 12 noon Greenwich Standard Time in a worldwide Circle of Blessing where we can come together, joining hearts, minds and spirits to bless our world while meditating on and envisioning a whole and healed planet where love and peace abide."

of course when the word God is mentioned in the movie, I can feel my hackles rise - that is a throw back from my hell, fire & brimstone upbringing. I am trying so hard to get past that...

Ann - without an 'E'

2007-04-09T08:06:00.000+10:00

On the easter weekend, a tradition of mine is to sit and watch Anne of Green Gables, sipping hot chocolate, snuggled under a blanket, enjoying the first really cold day of autumn. This year I wasn't disappointed.

"Marilla, isn't it nice to think that tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it yet?"

"Don't you ever imagine things differently than what they are? Oh, Marilla, how much you miss."

~Anne~

yes, my middle name is Ann - 'without an E' just like Ann from Green Gables. I grew up with the Ann stories - my mum would read me the books when I was a girl and I progressed to reading them myself & I still do....

I relate to Ann in many ways - she is a true kindred spirit...... she craves things just like I do & she is passionate in her ways, just like I am. She wants a bosom buddy, just like I want.

Which goes to show me, that I am fairly normal. If you think of me as Ann*E*, it kind of explains things...

"I've always dreamed of having a "bosom" friend...a true kindred spirit"

"Go away, Marilla, I'm in the depths of despair"

~Anne~

and this:

"It's not what the world holds for you.....but what you bring to it."

a blissful & bright easter

2007-04-08T07:22:00.000+10:00

wishing you the brightest of easter days - may the birds sing, may the butterflies burst from their cocoons and may the flowers bloom with joy.

Well, that is if you are in the Northern hemisphere.

If not and you live somewhere down under - I hope your easter day is everything it should be - cool, crisp & snuggly.... may your fires be warm, your leaves be golden, burgundy & bronze and may the laughter of loved ones be around your table -

blessings & bliss to each of you xoxo

I think I must be the only person in the whole wide world who got to sit on the easter bunny's knee. Yes, that is me - about 15mths old, dressed as a boy. Why on earth did my mother do that to me....

today, I hope to be going to the Sacred Lotus then out for coffee. family dinner tonight - lamb roast, vegetables & the chocolate pecan cake....

Easter ? saturday - confused thoughts from my journal

2007-04-07T07:10:00.000+10:00

lord, I am confused or at least my soul is.....

just having celebrated Mabon - we are now celebrating easter. to me, it feels ridiculous to be celebrating oestra/easter in autumn

- with baby chickens, eggs, and bunnies that are really springtime things. But that is the way it is and I find if I can blend all of this, without fighting it, I become more settled. Easter is a christian celebration and I guess being bought up a christian, I can still embrace it with my pagan touch. . .same as I have to for Christmas in summer.

If it were just me - I would just go on normally but I have grandchildren and I must have easter eggs for them

. . . so down here in Australia this little witch's wheel of the year is slightly different - Mabon, easter, Samhain......

I struggle with who I am and where I belong.... lately I have been feeling very strong connections to earth, as if I am part of it. Part of this wonderful, vast land, we call Australia.

On my maternal nana's side I am a 4th generation australian but on my Pa's side, I am only 2nd generation - and that is where I feel my soul connection to Cornwall... it is still a part of me, still in my genes...I guess handed down from my great Nan - Laura Tregilgas...so I plod along, this easter Saturday, dazed and confused..going about my daily life.....today we are going to the organic supermarket. I am gradually switching over to totally organic - a hard thing to do but well worth the effort. I need to buy some organic pecans & chocolate - I am making a chocolate pecan crumble cake for tomorrow. Then when we come home, I hope to spend some time in my garden...

(you should be able to print the colouring pages out, so that you can play & colour over easter)

please someone tell me I am going to be ok !

2007-04-06T07:47:00.000+10:00

the other day, I believe I had a severe blood rush to the head. either that or I lost so much blood in THE MISHAP that I wasn't thinking straight.

you see, I went in a town parade on the back of Joe's Harley. THEN, I was so excited - I decided that I loved it and we went out yesterday and bought: one helmet, a Harley leather jacket, protective jeans, leather gloves AND a pair of Dr Martins so that I can go on the back of the bike with Joe.

Am I insane? I am scared of motor bikes, scared that I am going to be maimed or injured or worse, left paralysed in some way. if you want to know why I am so scared - you can go here:

my child hood memories of bikes

I am obviously going through some kind of mid-life crisis because, believe me - this IS NOT NORMAL - it is not a normal thing for me to do.
I am 'worried' about changing - I still want to be a peaceful hedgewitch, not some leather wearing biker chick. Joe assures me that being a pillion will not change my personality in any way.

the kids are shaking their heads, wondering about the sanity of their mother - my mum will never know, cause I am not going to tell her, my friends think it is hilarious. Yes, I am the laughing stock of Woodford right now.

if there are any biker chicks out there, please, PLEASE - tell me I am going to be ok. That I am going to be safe....... tomorrow I am off to buy myself a few protective medals, charms, runes, I will ask the angels to sit with my on the back

- anything, anything that will keep me safe.

my last walk before 'scissor day'

2007-04-05T07:11:00.000+10:00

before THE MISHAP, I had taken a walk in Leura and snapped some more of the local homes... the air was crisp and I felt so alive. I am sure times like this must do wonderful things to our souls....

the house above was surrounded by wild gardens - I am sure there must be faeries in there! alot of people say that Australia doesn't have faeries - but I am sure, no, make that postive there are faeries here - I am one! I have seen my faery friend lately too.. isn't that just wonderful. They don't look like you imagine ..

the next house below, was just so sweet, most of these homes were built in the early 1900's. we have wide verandahs around many of our homes, to keep the hot Australian sun out of our homes.

I love this house below, sometimes on my way to shopping, I drive past and sigh. the colours, the garden......it is worth around a million dollars....

and isn't the house below so sweet. In the 1900's alot of homes had very ornate fretwork to decorate the outside of the home.... alot of these homes were holiday or weekend 'cottages'. Owned by people in the city of Sydney who would travel to the mountains on the weekends...people still travel here for the weekends, staying in guest houses or bed & breakfasts..... I am LUCKY to live here (no, no - not in the house below - however mine is just as gorgeous... I will take some photos over the weekend)

our spirits

2007-04-04T07:22:00.000+10:00

this is what I wrote in my journal yesterday - I am working a collage around it. I am not sure where I found this - it could have been sent in an email to me or I found it on one of the million or so yahoo groups I am in..... it is just perfect, me thinks

There is a free spirit and a true spirit within each of us

Our free spirit wants to kiss the wind whenever it gently touches our lives....

It wants to sail away to some enchanted paradise........

Our true spirit wants to embrace the moon and stars and cherish their magick....

It is the combination of both our free spirit and our true spirit that enables us to discover the mysteries of our soul.....

AUTHOR UNKNOWN

just call me - Edward

2007-04-02T15:35:00.000+10:00

yes, I am now known affectionately by my family as Edward Scissorhands... last week I had a slight 'mishap' with a pair of scissors. a very sharp pair of scissors. I received a parcel from Tara in France that had the word 'chocolate' written on the customs form so of course I had to open it. then and there. the parcel had been opened by customs and for some strange reason, they had decided to use tape to seal it back up. no idea why, 'cause they usually send it on not resealed very well. this time they had used a year's supply of tape. and I had to tackle it with one hand as I was on the phone to my sister as I opened the package. multi-tasking I think it is called. so I was cutting away and whoosh, those scissors found their mind of their own and went off on a wild tangent into my arm. I thought - 'gawd that was lucky' - thinking I had missed and then the blood started spurting or gurgling is a better word... so I yelled to my sister on the phone, 'I will call you back, I have slashed my wrist' & jumped up, trying to prevent it from going all over my very expensive axminster carpet and grabbed the white sheet that was covering my lounge, called to my daughter Sophie - who applied pressure on the cut and I collapsed on the floor.

We got me into the car and Sophie drove me to the hospital emergency - with me going into slight shock and muttering stuff like "I am going to die" and told her I was so sorry I was such a strict and terrible mother (shock does strange things to one). She was great, she talked to me while she drove. When we arrived at the hospital - they yelled 'emergency triage' and I was taken immediately in. I looked a little like a mummy wrapped up in the sheet and oh, how glamorous I was. I had the oldest tracksuit pants on as well as one of Joe's thermal singlets and my hair was every witch way... when they took the bandage off, the nurse kind of sniggered as the cut was only about 1/4" long and had clotted so it looked innocent. However they put a pressure bandage on it and sent me to wait for a Dr ~ with all the other sick people - coughing and spluttering THEIR germs all over ME. . . . . . . 4 hours later I was taken into see the Dr whose first question was did I try to commit suicide... puhlease... although one cretin in blogworld did ask me that, via email. IDIOT. The Dr then proceeded to clean the wound, which promptly started spurting. He said 'my, that is deep' - I think you will need a stitch. (scissors went in about 1/2" or so). Injections into wound. OUCH. that is when I started to go cold & clammy & hot and ditzy and told him I was going to faint.. had to lie down and have the stitches inserted - 2 of them.. not many. It was at this moment that Sophie decided that it was all too much and had to sit down as well as she was just about passing out too. what a pair of funnies we were. "oh and when was your last tetnus shot?" I was asked "100 years ago I said" . jab in the arm..... don't get it wet until you get the stitches out in a week. left arm ... easy peasy..... not so.... hard to wash hair. no sewing or gardening. impossible to type on computer. severe withdrawals. typing with one finger...well you get what I am trying to say....

to make matters worse - I developed a chest cold and have been feeling pretty damn sick...let us hope that it is all over now and life in Woodford becomes quiet like it should be....

anyhow - I am back..lots to catch up on and alot of parcels still sitting here to be sent. SORRY to those of you who are expecting something - it will be on its way this week.

and thankyou, THANKYOU, thankyou for all the emails and well wishes...

and thankyou to daisy for keeping you informed xo

official faery photographer

2007-03-24T17:49:00.000+11:00

the above photo was taken on my walk in a village called Leura - 10mins drive from my home. . .

I have been appointed 'official' photographer for the faeries so that I can share - my little corner of the world, during autumn ~ so come with me over the next few weeks on a tour of my world in autumn.....

dancing with the pixies

2007-03-23T08:10:00.000+11:00

the photo above was found on the net - I don't have any callistemons in my garden, but after this weekend, I will.... the faeries want me to plant one... if you look closely you will see the little seed pods where they live, where I saw them as a child. . . . .

And as a child, I can remember dancing with the pixies and laughing and clapping gleefully & having faeries as my confidantes. I would talk to the faeries who lived in the 'bottlebrush bush' outside my home - making little houses for them, giving them food and little gifts to make them happy. I knew without a doubt that they were real.
But as I grew up, I was always told to 'get my head out of the clouds' and to be 'sensible, there is no room for fluffing off with the faeries in this world' - so my 'sight' was closed down and I have a terrible time with it now - inside, deep down I know & believe faeries exist and I can feel the faery energy around me but part of me won't believe -the sensible, doubting part of me, the 'grown-up' part of me.... that is one of my turmoils every day of my life...

I have books and cards and I meditate but I just can't see them anymore - it breaks my heart :(

a little later today, I am going to do a little ritual at my faery altar - to invite them back into my life - I am going to ask them to open my 'sight' again.....

10.07 am - autumn equinox - believe in magick! (and the recipe)

2007-03-21T16:41:00.000+11:00

sitting here having a cup of tea this morning ~ reading emails - getting ready to post this:

doesn't feel like autumn at all but by the calendar it is the autumn equinox..
the leaves are still green & it is really humid.. however - the currawongs are carolling outside and that always heralds autumn for me...
my wish for the world today is to go back to simpler times....

and the currowong sang at exactly 10.07am!!!!

ahh life is indeed magickal in my world

here is the promised link to the apple & cinnamon cake

autumn equinox cake

autumn equinox

2007-03-21T08:38:00.000+11:00

while you girls in the northern hemisphere prepare for spring - I am getting ready for autumn - today is the autumn equinox, at 10.07 am today~ Mabon.

a time when the trees don their autumn ball gowns - gorgeous colours of russet, gold, copper and burgundy.

A day of meditation. A time to enjoy the fruits of our harvest.

a time for me, to shed old thought patterns. a time to release regrets and sorrows... a time to seek balance in my life. . .

yesterday I visited the cemetery, tidied the grave and burnt some incense.. i placed an apple and some rose hips.. I have no idea what people thought of me as I muttered about the graveside and you know, I am beyond caring. a good thing for me.

I have a lovely day planned today. a morning blessing, baking an apple cake, preparing Daisy's guinness & beef casserole for dinner, taking a food package to St Vinnies. I have scattered some grain outside for the birds and I will set my altar up later today. I am also going to spend some time in my sacred space, jotting down all those negative thought patterns that I have..these will be put into an envelope and placed in my soul journal...to be reflected upon and released over the next few weeks..

It gives my soul a certain satisfaction to do all these little rituals ~ the simplicity and the childlike 'playing' - makes me feel kind of in control... (yeah right)

when the sun sets - I am going to light candles in my home & garden... weave a wreath for my door, using some items that I found on my walk yesterday and say this spell of protection:

amidst the autumns darkest nights
our home be bound by brilliant light
a web of hope and joy and peace
be woven now, all dangers cease
by watchful eye
by lock & key
protect our home
SO MOTE IT BE

to all my friends in the northern hemisphere - I wish you a magnificent spring equinox * think of me on the other side of the world as i prepare for our autumn

namaste xo

(oh and I will be posting the apple cake recipe in my book of shadows soon!)

a kind blog

2007-03-20T07:11:00.000+11:00

.... while I had my little sabbatical, I wandered around Blog world ~ like I was on vacation on Internet Island, and came across this: ( & I truly hope that my blog is everything a kind blog is supposed to be).. ...

By posting this badge, I'm declaring that in addition to humour, intelligence, wit, sadness, snarkiness, passion, exuberance, peace, stillness, excitability, anger or any other emotion you may witness on my site:

1) I will never intentionally hurt other people, whether I know them or not, whether they blog or not, whether they're celebrities or not, either through my words or my images. It's just not my style; and

2) I hope that by the time you've clicked away from my site, I've helped in some way to make your day just a little bit better.

Signed, Me

19 years of wedded bliss

2007-03-19T17:51:00.000+11:00

19 years with my soul mate - how lucky am I? the man who held my hand every day at the cancer clinic for 5 weeks, who fed me my dinner as I lay in the radiation room, the man who moves the furniture around and then moves it back again *because it doesn't look right*, the man who sits and reads the paper while I spend hours in the Sacred Lotus, the man who accepts whatever belief I have this week, the man who loves me for who I am, the man I call my best friend - yep, I am one lucky girl!

I found this poem by Rumi, last week while I was on vacation in Internet world....it describes Joe and I, perfectly. . .

A moment of happiness,
you and I sitting on the verandah,
apparently two, but one in soul, you and I.
We feel the flowing water of life here,
you and I, with the garden's beauty
and the birds singing.
The stars will be watching us,
and we will show them
what it is to be a thin crescent moon.
You and I unselfed, will be together,
indifferent to idle speculation, you and I.
The parrots of heaven will be cracking sugar
as we laugh together, you and I.
In one form upon this earth,
and in another form in a timeless sweet land.

a new moon, a new beginning

2007-03-19T06:53:00.000+11:00

a new moon today - is there any better time to start anew? a time to let go of negative ways.....

I had to step back from blogging taking a little time away to think. over the past few months, blogging for me became a frenzied activity. I was hyperventilating, stressing and becoming sad - trying to visit blogs so that I wouldn't upset anyone.... and all the time, I was upsetting myself. I was not enjoying it at all....after much contemplation, I decided that I really do enjoy blogging - and I am going to try with all my might, to do it for me - no-one else.

of course I will still be blogging my thoughts and how I feel, but I think I will turn comments off for those posts as they are really just my thoughts that I need to get down...and what better place than here?

so with that said ~ today is a special day for me in many ways...it is my mum's birthday, my 19th wedding anniversary and today, 6 years ago I heard the words - 'Robyn, you have cancer'. I have decided that being a new moon I am starting anew with my attitude towards life. I was never a bitter person, ever, but just lately I have become more and more bitter towards what life has dealt me. And I am really not like that at all. Being human, I am sure I will stumble and fall but when I do, I am going to pick myself up, brush my knees off and get on with it. I will nurture myself of course. On those days that my 'cancer head' rears up, I will thank it for the experience and send it on its way. I must, otherwise I will end up a bitter old crone instead of the pixie-faery that I truly am.

a break

2007-03-12T07:29:00.000+11:00

sorry guys, I am on an extended break from putting my thoughts down..... if you want to keep in contact - email me through my profile - its been fun xo

gratitude for a little guy

2007-03-11T19:11:00.000+11:00

I wasn't even going to be grateful for a thing this week - but I then realized that over the past few days, I have been getting comfort from this little guy:

my podling - the first podling that Daisy ever made - she sent to me, months and months ago - isn't he wonderful... he has healing properties - as only Daisy's podlings do - they are infused with healing energies and love. As i grieve and heal - I have been holding my lil' podling or carrying him with me wherever I go (he usually lives in a bowl of crystals) - and I truly believe he has helped me....so there ya go - I have my podling to be grateful for this week - thanks Daisy xo

I struggled with blogging again the past few days - wondering what the hell I blog for.... I still don't know. I know it helps me to sort stuff out in my head... but it also does my head in sometimes..... somewhere there is a balance.

I even created a new blog that I was going to move to - and keep it private. But then I thought to myself - hell, if people don't like what I post about, they don't have to read. This is me - warts & all - I don't have a fluffy pink life and I don't think I would want one....

reflections n 'stuff'

2007-03-11T07:45:00.000+11:00

I sit and wonder what life is all about, often. I know that death is as much part of life as is birth.... it is just another stage of our souls journey but I wonder why we hurt so much when death occurs.... I have been faced with death twice in this life

and I have had many people close to me die but each time it happens - it is like a stab to my heart. I grieve and I hurt.

the past few days have been emotionally hard for me - not because any one really close to me died - .... but the deaths during the past week, brought back my hurts, they reminded me of the raw grief that I went through when I was widowed at 19.... and although I am now married to my soul mate - that grief is a scar on my soul.

same with cancer - yes, I am a survivor. But each time someone dies from cancer, I feel guilty. I feel guilty for surviving and nothing anyone can say will stop that occuring - it is a perfectly natural emotion. so i am told.

It is 6 years on the 19th of March since I heard the words -"Robyn, we have found cancer" - a day that will always be an anniversary for me - 6 yrs, 20 yrs or 40 yrs on. It will remind me that no-one is immune from cancer. Not one person.

I believe each experience in life does leave a scar - it heals but it is always there to remind us. at the moment, I don't feel like blogging much either - funny that... cause I am usually a chatter box - but the past week has made me re-think things. I wonder why. The things that have happened over the past week weren't even directly associated to me but they have opened up alot of pondering, I guess.

I went to the funeral on Friday & silly me forgot to 'protect' myself. I usually do a white light protection to prevent me taking on anyone elses emotions. This time, I forgot and consequently I 'absorbed' alot of grief that was not my own. So I have spent the last day, doing cleansings and grounding myself.

I don't even know where I am going blogging wise at the moment. I don' t have alot to say and I am tired, spiritually. I won't say that I am giving blogging away, cause I don't think I will, but like I said who knows where I am going . . . .

the perfect send off. . .

2007-03-10T07:49:00.000+11:00

yesterday I attended the funeral of a friend.

Only he would have had the Travelling Wilburies 'End of the Line' playing as he was carried in.....

Only he would have had John Lennon's 'Imagine' playing as we reflected on his life.....

a perfect ceremony for a wonderful soul....

this poem below is what he requested to be read out as we walked from the chapel

THE THOUGHTS OF NANUSHKA

"to mourn too long for those we love is self - indulgent

but to honour their memory with a promise to live a little better for having known them, gives purpose to their life

and some reason for their death . ."

I am spinning & struggling right now

2007-03-08T19:33:00.000+11:00

I know I am going to be hit with an onslaught of positive thinking comments, but right now positive thinking is a long way off.... life sometimes sends curved balls and this time - it has sent me spinning and struggling... and what has happened in the past few days has made me physically sick.

the past few days seem to have had so much sad news, nothing to do directly with me but I feel so burdened with sadness... what the heck is life all about?

I know all the cliches about cancer... it isn't a death sentence - etc, etc etc.....but the bottom line is - cancer is the pits.. in a less than nice term - it sucks.

two days ago a friend died from cancer - I go to his funeral today. Yesterday a friend called me and told me her son in law had just received news that he has terminal cancer.. he is 20. Then to top that off I heard yesterday that another friends son in law had been killed in a motor cycle accident last week... he was just 21, his wife of 6mths is 20.

so right now - positive and happy thoughts are not living in my soul........ sadness is.

the "C" word

2007-03-06T07:31:00.000+11:00

last night we received news that my sister in law has terminal cancer. stage 4. She has had cancer for a year now and having treatment but it seems it didn't do what it was supposed to do and the cancer has spread - she has maybe 20 mths to live. I know this is not about me but it has sent me into a total spin.

Being a cancer surivor - there is always a niggling fear in the back of my mind that my cancer will recur.... I know I AM cancer free today but when ever I hear of someones diagnosis, the fears and the memories rear their ugly heads - creating havoc with my mind and emotions. I re-live the days of my diagnosis, my treatments and I feel the fear. Very real, even 6 years later.

so what do I do for my sister in law? do I keep thinking positive while everyone else is resigned to the fact that she is going to die? Do I keep preaching up on my soap box about Petrea King & Lance Armstrong - telling her to stay positive and use affirmations? Because they do work - miracles do happen, I know that. Do I tell her that there are many other things she can do to fight this disease? I just don't know.

I am scared today

my holy grail

2007-03-05T19:53:00.000+11:00

you will never guess what a friend dropped into me today... a copy of Cloth, Paper, Scissors which is as rare as hens teeth downh here. It is the first one I have ever seen and it it the Winter 2006 edition. Katie Kendrick features in it which was a pleasant surprise.. and at the back is an article which could have been written by me - 'cept it wasn't. It was written by a woman called Loretta Benedetto Marvel. I am sure you have all heard of her. I hadn't..... but my lord she wrote exactly what I have been doing and feeling these past few months in regards to my ART. she calls it ' in search of the Holy grail' and it is the perfect title for it....

It made me laugh out loud when she mentioned that she was like a woman on Crusade - taking art classes, piling up supplies and trying to discover that special technique that everyone knew about except her.... oh that is me for sure! Exept I have joined just about every altered art yahoo group there is... She talks about sprinkling her work with wings & crowns, polka dots and striped legs. How her washing up was piling up in the laundry, the dishes were waiting to be done and her home was a mess.... oh! I nodded as I read that! My poor family get dinner thrown at them as I rush of with a new idea, only to get to my table and freeze or worse, get something out on paper and hate it...

I know I have talent, I know I am creative but I just can't find my 'muse' - hell, I didn't even know what a muse was until 2 months ago.. I know I am quite creative in the fabric medium because I created this:

I can create if I have a theme or a project. But to create art just for the hell of it? no way can I get what is in my heart out onto paper.... it just doesn't come out. I read books, I do journals, I worry and fret. Life was so much easier before I discovered this mixed media thing... it really was.

damn mercury & the hippy swap

2007-03-05T07:25:00.000+11:00

is Mercury still in retrograde? cause I am having one hell of a time trying to get emails ~ out and in..... some are going through but hotmail & yahoo seem to be having 'moments' - if anyone out there has sent me an email in the past week or so - and I haven't replied... it is not because I am ignoring you, it is because the email is probably floating out there in the ether, never to be seen again.....

so to the hippy girls - there is not much more I can do to get partners through - if you don't receive your partners details - I will put a little something in the mail in the next month.... sorry but it is out of my control......

the gratitude journal

2007-03-04T16:31:00.000+11:00

I am still struggling with writing in my journal everyday.... I make notes often on bits of paper around the house or I note to myself that I 'must' include that in my gratitude and promptly forget to do so - but this time I am thankful that I am not beating myself up too much when I don't 'do it right'...

I had my mum stay with us this weekend * we had fun. I took her to the Sacred Lotus and bought her some incense and we sat outside as I smudged my crystals in preparation for the full moon charging. My mum has diabetes and is losing her sight because of it - so she doesn't see alot of small things but I was absolutely delighted when she noticed a tiny black butterfly fluttering around us outside - she said that the same butterfly visits with her at her home - fluttering around and she is convinced it is a sign from my Nan.. mum hates having her photo taken so I snuck around and took this one without her knowing...

she is of direct Cornish descendants - her dad was born in Devon and her grandma in Cornwall...as much as she doesn't admit it - she is of the fae, I am sure.

last night we took her to Echo Point, Katoomba for dinner. Our kids & grandchildren, us & mum, all had fish & chips in view of The Three Sisters at dusk. amazing place we live in & I am blessed because of it..... a few photos that I took on one of our walks this past week. . . .

this home above caught my eye because the garden was full of faeries - truly! I could feel their energies all around me as I walked by..

two quaint little miners cottages above - I love them - so much character and history

and these steps, they had a real aura to them, a real mystery - I wonder who walked up them in the past and where do they go?

love from across the sea

2007-03-03T07:35:00.000+11:00

awhile back I katie posted about picking up rocks as she went for her walks... I do this too. I asked Katie if she would like to swap a rock and she did... I received mine a few days ago along with some yummy tea bags! thanks Katie - yours should be there really soon - I was a little slack sending it off... I just kept forgetting to pick it up as I rushed out the door. I love receiving bits like this ... a little bit of Katie now sits in my 'studio'

and then, yesterday a parcel all the way from Miss Potato Prints - the most gorgeous hand written book - a story about ME! and illustrated by Miss*PP herself - her work is just wonderful. It made me laugh with joy as I read it - thankyou so very much miss*PP! You are one of my lifes treasures - bless you xoxo

the journey of a soul ~ a challenge: a swap with a difference

2007-03-02T08:41:00.000+11:00

it is time for me to get going on this journal that I have been thinking about and I need your help..... I have had some wonderful advice and comments over the past year - and I really treasure each of them and I am going to gather some and put them into my journal...

And I am asking any one, who would like to do a one on one swap with a difference.....I ask that you send to me, something that will help me create my journal - whether it be an ATC, a quiltie, a picture, a piece of art, a piece of fabric or paper, ephemera - anything that you think captures me & my soul....that I can place into my journal.... it can be no bigger than 5ins x 7 ins.

and what do you get in return? something from me - it maybe art, it maybe something I find on my walks or it maybe something I buy with you in mind.... but I promise it will be specially for you xo

I know it is not 'proper' to ask for things but you have been such a big part of my soul journey that I really want to include you in my journal.

you can email me through my profile if you want to journey with me .....

dot, dot * comma, comma

2007-03-02T07:48:00.000+11:00

off to art class I went yesterday - idea in mind, canvas under arm, paints in box...... sat down and proceeded to 'gesso' my canvas *because that is what you must do* - then I sat and watched it dry..... and while I was doing that I showed the class my mixed media piece that I had done, explaining that it wasn't finished yet... my teacher just looked and said 'oh' - and it wasn't "OH!!!!" as in how wonderful - but 'oh' in a flat, dull, no tone voice... she didn't like it... it hadn't been sealed, it didn't have depth.... for heaven's sake - this will probably end up in a garage sale when I die - it isn't going to be hanging in the national art gallery, believe me.

and then she proceeded to tell me that she had art in a woman's exhibition and there was a piece done by an artist much like I was trying to achieve... so does that mean that I haven't achieved yet?

then I explained what I wanted to do with my canvas and she told me that I must sketch my idea on paper until I get it right... but I don't want it 'right' !!!

so I grabbed my oil pastels and sketched...

it is awful , nothing like I want to create as my mixed media *goddesses in my life* - nothing at all like it......but at least I was constructive and my inner child had fun creating...

please don't get me wrong, this teacher is a nice person and she is talented and I am grateful that she is trying hard to help me, she really is... but the class is too restrictive for me...the rest of the class are still doing dots and commas on cardboard!

I don't think I am going back....

Thursday things

2007-03-01T07:31:00.000+11:00

Full moon coming up equals my present emotional state, I realized that after my posting last night. So now I know that I am affected by both the full and the new moons - in the days preceding them I become melancholy & lack confidence ~ it is honestly like a real weight on my shoulders...something I can't shake..... I know there are some wise women out there who know alot about Miss Moon - any ideas on how to cope or rituals that I can do to help - thanks muchly xo

Thursday, this afternoon equal art class for me. Lord knows what the teacher will think when I roll up with a blank canvas and my latest idea - using Amedeo Clemente Modigliani mixed with Picasso as inspiration and Mary as my model...hopefully I will be able to get this idea out of the bubble inside and onto the canvas....

a post directly from the heart of a wednesday's child

2007-02-28T21:35:00.000+11:00

today I am lacking in self confidence and I don't know why... I mean, I am the same person as I was yesterday... so why today am I feeling like this?

I am usually quite confident in who I am and how I decorate my home. But one thing I know about myself is I worry about what people think of me and how I am perceived... well sometimes. Most times, I go along my merry little way. It usually happens around certain types of people.... I have a few friends that are not really into the same things I do. I quilt with them and they are lovely, lovely girls. But they don't quite understand blogs or swapping or any of the collages that I am doing. And they sure as hell don't know about my spiritual search, my constant craving to know the meaning of life. I shudder to think what they would say if they knew about my 'soul searching journal', that I am trying to get going.

I am even different when I am around them and I hate it. I act normal. why? Why don't I have enough confidence to just be me?

One of them called me today and asked if I was coming to patchwork tomorrow and I told her that this term I was doing an art class... so she said she was calling in to drop something of..... now I am sick to the stomach with worry about what she will think when she sees my messy verandah (yes, my housekeeping has been taking a back seat to my art work lately) . Why am I worried about what she will think of all the bells & other hippy stuff hanging around... and my lotus blossom pond at the door. I just want to be true to myself and I don't know how. . . am I the only one like this?

Vale ~ Billy

2007-02-28T17:03:00.000+11:00

"most people I know, think that I'm crazy"

yes, those words were sung by Billy Thorpe about me, I am sure....

he died this morning aged just over 60.....

when I was a teenager, I danced to Billy Thorpe and the Aztecs. I had his name written all over my pencil case, posters on my wall. I was in love..... it is scary when people from your teens start to pass away.......

a fine line. . . COPYRIGHT

2007-02-27T12:07:00.000+11:00

something has been bothering me for awhile now and if I get it out - I may get an answer. No use keeping worries bottled up inside... and some of you may not agree with me... or you can just think that it is nearly full moon and I am out of control once more. . .
being inspired by some one's art and creating your own version - to complete down & out copying. where does the line start & end?
I am the first to admit that I am inspired by many, many talented artists out there..... and I get ideas from them all the time... but please God, I hope I am never viewed as copying someone else's art work.

I see things, love them and of course I cannot copy - it is not in my soul but I do get inspired and try to create something of my own.
Just lately I have noticed some big time copying of the work of some of my friends..... and unless you visit the same blogs that I do, you won't have any idea of what the hell I am talking about. Yes, BIG TIME copying.... some people are copying work that others are trying to make a living from or have had an idea and put it on their blog and someone else runs with it. And then says it is 'their own work' ~ huh? 'scuse me?

so just what does copyright mean? Do you have to buy a copyright or can you copyright something by just saying 'this work is copyrighted' ? to me - it doesn't matter which way I look at it - if you don't come up with the idea in the first place - then its not your idea and you should give credit & thank the person for inspiration ........

a hippy swap ~ are you a flower child? CLOSED

2007-02-26T10:10:00.000+11:00

sorry the swap is closed

I am closing this swap on Wednesday... so if you are still wanting to join please let me know. see below for details....the photo above is what I bought at the Sacred Lotus for the giveaway... once you have sent your parcel, I will put your name into some kind of vessel and draw it out... if you win, I will send this to you.. a thankyou for joining my swap...

remember the 60's ?

all that peace & love. incense & psychedelic t-shirts. make love not war. Patchouli oil. the Doors, Jimi Hendrix & Janis Joplin. flower power.

the years of my youth.

When I stepped back in time in the little shop called the Sacred Lotus, I had a flash of an idea.

A swap - I know they say that if you remember those years, then you weren't really there.... but I am sure most of you can remember something about them.

you can include something handmade if you wish as well as incense, oils, bangles, bags. oh the list is endless! run with it. No marry-joo-wahna (as my mum calls it) - what fun! you could even 'burn' a cd of all your favourite songs, hmmm is that legal?

legal in the 60's? oh man! far out ! !

I am sure you get the idea, just a little collection of hippy stuff, so that when your partner opens her package, she is instantly transported back in time ~ is that a good thing? . . .

* if you want to play, email me with your postal details. Sign-ups are open til the end of February. This is an INTERNATIONAL swap, as it is easier for me to organize.

get it on!!!!

but wait there's more! for those of you who do 'play' ~ I will have a giveaway ~ after signup closes ~ I will draw one name out and that lucky person will receive a box of hippy stuff from me......

groovy

thoughts ~ from my journal & gratitude...

2007-02-25T17:33:00.000+11:00

I am doing quite well with this simple abundance journey - I don't always remember to write my gratitude down but I do notice alot of the little things in life, which really aren't that little ~

take for instance the citrus butterfly that I saw this week - my grandson Thomas pointed it out to me - "grandma, look at that huge butterfly on your rose" and there it was gently fanning its gorgeous wings, drying them from the downpour earlier that morning.... so I turned the car off and we stood there, just watching....

I have felt overwhelming thanks & gratitude this week, deep in my heart and soul ...

I was told this week to go out into my garden, early each morning and to smell a rose - to breathe in deeply - the perfume of a rose changes the vibration of the cells in your body and brings peace to your soul.......
take this if you will...... (if not, don't email me and tell me I am nuts)

"sometime in life you will go on a journey

It will be the longest journey you have ever taken

It is the journey to find yourself"

~Katherine Sharpe~

And I am very thankful that my soul chose this journey of mine, hard as it is sometimes. I am also thankful that I live on earth in the age of the internet....where I receive support from women, very much like me, who live across the other side of the world. And when I cry out for help, they are there in an instant, surrounding me with love, hugs and friendship.

the Sacred Lotus......my new home away from home

2007-02-24T13:20:00.000+11:00

come with me......

as we walk down the path.... a white feather wafts down on an invisible wind..... seemingly from nowhere..look up... not a bird to be seen.

YES! this happened to me this morning while I was walking down the path.. a white feather for me from the angels......

welcome to my new find.... the sacred lotus.... the hippy shop that I 'discovered' a few weekends ago.. now one of my favourite haunts.
the place that inspired *the Hippy swap*

step back in time, to those peace & love days.... the days of our youth.

bells & elephants...

Buddha, Kwan Yin and tibetan peace flags....

light shades, bangles & incense

my home is starting to look very much like this... I love it!!!!

purchases today included faery & geranium incense, a black & white rose skirt & a batik light shade.... gawd knows where it is going....

a Friday in the life of miss*R

2007-02-23T17:10:00.000+11:00

I woke this morning with the thought of driving to Katoomba to a second hand book shop to look for an old book to use for my altered book - soul journey. This book shop is two stories high.. full of books - old and new - all used.
so off I toddled - and looked & looked and looked.. touching, feeling, trying to find the perfect book. You know, one that 'spoke' to me -- I found a couple of art books for $5 each with some great prints in them and then I found MY book. It is perfect...

SWEET THAMES RUN SOFTLY by Robert Gibbings ~ with engravings by the author.
It is a delightful book, it really is.
The man who owns the shop, sits in his arm chair all day, reading. He is old, white haired and wears glasses. He has a knee rug on his knees... even in summer. When I went to pay for MY book - he let out a loud sigh of exclamation(if you can do that) and said to me " oh this is a delightful book, a collectors item and only $5!" ~ " did you see the sketches in them?" ~ well, yes I did, that is why I was buying it... I didn't have the heart to tell him that I wanted to alter it, tear pages out, stick pictures in...... but NOW ~ I am not. I just cannot bring myself to destroy this book, if it means so much to a little old man who sits in a chair all day long. One who lives for and loves his books. No siree, I am using a new art journal.....

In the back of MY book is a postscript. He talks about his travels, trying to find solitude & the world. an excerpt:

Admittedly there is cruelty and illness and poverty, but there is also abundance of kindness, good health, and richness of spirit. For every child that cries by the roadway there are fifty who are laughing in the fields; for every bird that is taken by a hawk there are a hundred still singing in the trees. Even in these days when hell bursts upon our world, like boiling lava from a volcano, let us remember that for every insult offered to humanity there are a hundred deeds of heroism.......
that, was written in 1940

faery friday. . .

2007-02-23T08:00:00.000+11:00

Fairies dance all night long and, in the morning, rings of mushrooms may be seen. They are the boundaries of the dancing circle. Be careful not to step inside the circle, as you may enter the Fairy Realm. If you are near a ring when the fairies are dancing, you'll be drawn to it. If you enter, you will dance with the fairies, unable to stop. It may feel like only minutes, but it is, in reality, years, around 7. The only way to get out is if someone comes after you and pulls you out, while keeping their foot outside of the circle.

I didn't go to art class yesterday. I stayed home in my 'art studio' and created.... I played with my collage piece and made a woodland sprite for a one on one swap with artsy mama..... a little woodland mushroom ~ I like her. I was going to add wings but I don't think she needs them. She will be on her way on Monday

I really love creating dolls ~ I love giving them away too..... I love to make them for someone - they take on a life of their own as I begin and I really don't know where they will end up. I am sometimes suprised how they turn out.

wishcasting

2007-02-21T17:02:00.000+11:00

I cast my wish for this week. . .

for myself ~ I wish for spiritual contentment & I wish for a world healing.

wish casting

a yearning. . .

2007-02-21T10:33:00.000+11:00

before you read any further, I am warning you that this post is straight from my head. You see, I have been vacuuming, and thinking and this has been worrying me for awhile and I NEED TO GET IT OUT..... not sure if it will make any sense at all.

I have a thirst in my soul, a yearning in my heart. That needs to be filled and I don't know how. It is not something that being with people can fix or things can fill. I ache with a loneliness deep in my soul. Creating 'stuff' helps to relieve the pain, sometimes. I am not depressed at all... I feel quite joyful actually, quite bubbly inside but sometimes I could just about cry with frustration of this thirst. I need help. I need to be guided and shown where to go, what to do and I need help in remembering to ask for help & guidance when I need it... the angels tell me that often....
I have tried lots & lots of things.... different healing modalities and various religions.... but NOT ONE fills the hole... oh they do for a short while... but then there is that niggling that I mentioned and I start to thirst.
I need a spiritual mentor..... someone who I can bare my soul to and maybe they can help me along the way.
I want to journal for my soul, I want to write and read poetry, paint and draw for my soul.... I want to create an altered book that feeds my soul, speaks to my soul and helps my souls thirst..... so, if you are listening God, angels or whoever is in charge of it all.... can ya help?

for those of you who asked..... a legend. . .

2007-02-19T07:46:00.000+11:00

after my post yesterday, I had many emails asking about the Three Sisters. Yes, there is a legend. I also have a spiritual tie to Katoomba - when I go there, I feel emotional and spiritually connected. I go there nearly every day so I can just be there and absorb the energy. I often comment on it to Joe - how it makes me feel, sometimes it makes me cry with sheer 'oneness'

and didn't have a clue what it was until my 'wise woman' pointed out that it could be a power center or vortex for me and yes! I think that is it....it really makes my heart 'shiver & tingle' with pure emotional spirituality (if that makes sense)

The Aboriginal dream-time legend has it that three sisters, 'Meehni', 'Wimlah' and Gunnedoo' lived in the Jamison Valley as members of the Katoomba tribe.

These beautiful young ladies had fallen in love with three brothers from the Nepean tribe,

yet tribal law forbade them to marry.

The brothers were not happy to accept this law

and so decided to use force to capture the three sisters causing a major tribal battle.

As the lives of the three sisters were seriously in danger,

a witchdoctor from the Katoomba tribe took it upon himself

to turn the three sisters into stone

to protect them from any harm.

While he had intended to reverse the spell

when the battle was over,

the witchdoctor himself was killed.

As only he could reverse the spell

to return the ladies to their former beauty,

the sisters remain in their magnificent rock formation

as a reminder of this battle for generations to come.

from my journal & a peek at what I am grateful for this week

2007-02-18T19:42:00.000+11:00

starting the simple abundance journey this time, has been so far for me, like unlocking a cupboard that has been closed for years - you knew what was inside but had forgotten just how special some of the things were.

me at age 10? I was a serious child like I had the worlds problems on my shoulders and in many ways I guess I did - well so I thought. I had a handful of friends, I wasn't little miss popular but to that handful I was loyal. .

Sometimes I feel inadequate with this constant searching of mine. I 'arrive' at a comfortable place in my spiritual journey and I feel settled, like I have found what I have been looking for and I relax & sigh. Then, the niggling starts again, like my soul is tempting me, come, there is more...... and then as I travel I feel like I am alone, to seek and find.

I like the term that was used this week - inner safari. I cannot wait to discover myself......

I noticed alot to be grateful for this week but just didn't get to writing it in my journal.... but living here, in the Blue Mountains, a World heritage area. A place where I can really feel the soul of Mother Earth.... for that I am thankful - a thanks from deep withing my heart and soul..... take a peek at what I saw on my walk.......

all of the photos above were taken at dusk at Echo Point in Katoomba, home to the world famous Three Sisters..... Joe and I often walk to Echo Point and have dinner looking at these views... how lucky we are!

I am not a professional photographer and my camera is a fairly basic digital Kodak... but I play and took these two photos of the Three Sisters.

not decoupage !!!! COLLAGE !

2007-02-17T08:20:00.000+11:00

this is just a continuation of Mr Beans art class ._._._
during class, I mentioned that I had a photo of my nan, that I wanted to cut out and collage it to the background, along with a piece of tuille and a vintage locket or something similar. The teachers' eyes lit up, as she proceeded to tell me that she had done a decoupage course, many years ago and showed me the glue that I am supposed to use to attach the photo ~ it has to be applied on both the background and the back of the photo (which I am supposed to painstakingly cut out with teeny tiny scissors, every little point and crevice). She showed me some ivy leaves she had decoupaged to a wooden box! oh my lord, I just don't have the patience for that. I just grab any old scissors and snip away like a 5 year old. After spending hours cutting, I am then supposed to put layers and layers of decoupage stuff over the top of it to make it be like a shiny piece of glass. My teacher even told me that I could pour liquid resin over the top, to make it even more perfect.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO !
that isn't what i want. I just want a mixed media thing, that I made all by myself....

I played with it yesterday, I just want to finish it so that I can get onto my goddess art work.
so without further ado -
ta-da!

I need some 'advice' from all the arty people out there in the world....
1. I want to put some kind of quote along the top - mentioning whimsy....I was thinking: "a bit of whimsy, maybe. . . sentimental ~ yes". how should I do this stamped or cut out words(if I can find them of course)
2. do I seal this? I want it to have a slight sheen, it is very matt at the moment.
3. nan needs something on her head, ???
I know as I go along, I will get more confident - well, I sure hope so.

Mr Beans art class

2007-02-16T07:59:00.000+11:00

so, yesterday ~ off to art class I go, boring, blue background tucked under my arm, .... armed with various paints that I scrounged from Sophie - aquas, lime greens and some childrens paint brushes. Alfoil, old credit card and other bits n pieces that I thought I might use. A piece of vintage lace.
And I started to mix paint, yet again. This time, being very frugal and of course not mixing enough to dab over the blue (which by now was looking like a flat piece of blue to me) - I wanted to add something to it. So I dabbed and criss crossed (yes, very much like the Mr Bean from last week, tongue held just so) and then I ran out of paint. so i mixed more, not taking a whole lot of notice as to what I was doing and I grabbed the wrong colour and ended up with rose pink. gawd. how hard it is to be an artist. by this time the teacher was looking at me quite strangely. she asked if I was going to be hanging this on my wall. actually I have visions of opening an art gallery - ha! .....

so, this is my work so far - it has taken a whole different track to what I had in mind. I was sitting there, in class, painting, up and down, colour after colour - trying to get something that I was at least half happy with & the inner child got the better of me and I started to do spirals, the teacher said something like - 'oh' you are putting a bit of movement into the background, good.' But, still not happy with it - I then got a yellow and mixed some pumice like substance that I had bought at the art shop and did yellow circles.... I then proceeded to stencil over my vintage piece of lace.... at this point one of the other ladies cried out 'Robyn, you are so talented!' - actually made me feel a little less self concious. I painted some cups, not sure if I like them, I don't want a still life, I want mixed media collage - but I can play with it and see what I come up with.

Next week, I am planning of 'creating' my version of Mary. I reckon that could be sacreligious.
stay tuned for the decoupage escapade

loving

2007-02-14T08:49:00.000+11:00

my rose quartz - I have this in every room! the locket was my nans

Valentines day - a day when Cupid shoots his arrow and supposedly makes us all run around meeting our soul mate and live happily ever after. Well, I have met my soul mate, we are past that bubbly not eating phase of love but still love each other to death and living happily ever after ? well tell that to this thing we call life - however.......

I wish each of you a valentines day full of love FOR YOURSELF!!!! - today do something that you love, buy yourself something that you love, treat yourself as you treat those that you love! appreciate yourself & love you, for who you are! I am going to !!!

a gift

2007-02-13T06:31:00.000+11:00

with all the lovely gifts that I have been receiving, my daughter Sophie asked me ages ago, if I could ask my friends to send her something. well, no I can't Sophie, it is not good manners to ask people to send you a gift.

My daughter Sophie, my youngest, a child of my heart, the girl who worries me constantly, a gorgeous girl but so naive. So ditzy at times.

She gets sad sometimes as 17 year old girls do and last week I ordered a comfort package from Colette. comfort package

It was plopped on my doorstep today ~ just before Sophie arrived home from flute lesson, just before Valentines day and just as her wicked 'time of the month' arrived.... thankyou Colette..... it made her feel special. the package was full of special little things, all surrounded with gorgeous cerise flowers and two pieces of art by Colette, which are hanging right now on her mirror...
ya know, I realised today, that I just have to grin and bear this girl of mine right now, I have sown the seeds as I did with my other two & I have to trust the universe that everything is as it should be. All I have to do is love her and she will be ok. She will come out the other side of these teen years, ok. She will be a strong, wise woman. lord help me get through it.

missing daisy

2007-02-12T21:48:00.000+11:00

my friend Daisy Lupin has had a computer crash & I am missing her dreadfully.

just dreadfully.

amazing though, just as I was typing this post, up popped an email from her..... I must rush off to see what is happening. . .

heart art

2007-02-12T08:47:00.000+11:00

this weeks art challenge for "inspire me Thursday" is heart Heart art. I like these kind of things - a challenge - it gives me a theme to run with...here is my heart art for this week:

I tried a new 'technique' that I found on the internet - inkjet transfers - fun! I don't have the key yet - but I am on the lookout for it & when I find the key that fits, I will pin it to the heart.

the gratitude journal

2007-02-11T17:35:00.000+11:00

yesterday afternoon, we had a torrential downpour - and it kept going. It just poured & poured overnight - I know it will take alot more than this to break our drought but oh, the sound of the rain on our tin roof, sounded like a choir of angels!

my first born turned 32 today. yes, 32 years ago at the age of 17, I gave birth to a teeny tiny baby weighing 5lbs 14oz. A tiny little boy. mind you, I was a tiny little girl and just a baby myself. But I did well and my son has grown into a fine young man - a father of two himself.

it brings joy to my heart - to sit and look at my children - to see them mature into caring, decent people.

yesterday, Joe & I went out for lunch and I 'discovered' a true Alladins Cave ~ I spied a sign saying ' the Sacred Lotus' and not being able to control myself, I followed the path and around the corner was a little shop - but more on that next week....... just a glimpse of what I bought:

have no idea what these are called but they go along the top of a doorway - I loved it - so I bought one at my discovered Alladins cave ..... it was cheap, is not an antique but I adore it ! If I had ever visited Morocco or India, I am sure this would bring back memories of my trip

my style of decorating follows no rules ....if I like it, I use it.

posty, posty don't be slow. . .

2007-02-11T07:34:00.000+11:00

"Neither rain, nor snow, nor sleet, nor hail shall keep the postmen from their appointed rounds"

~ so what was it that caused this parcel to arrive about 4 mths later?

my swap gift for the tea-towel swap from Liz - LIZ - was sent middle of October and it arrived late Friday afternoon battered and battle worn - inside were some gorgeous things: 3 teatowels, some peppermint tea, a lovely lavender sachet (which I am surprised that it wasn't confiscated by customs) and a package of ephemera...... sadly, I don't think my package to Liz arrived either. I will put another package together for her but I am not sure if I can find any more gorgeous vintage teatowels........

also plopped on my doorstep were three other packages - it was like Christmas:

I am sure customs think I am drug runner. They constantly open packages and remove suspect items - lavender & tea mostly. what a hoot! my name is on the list of the highly suspect

1. a sweet, sweet resin pendant made by Sacred suzie - thanks Suzie, I wore it yesterday xo

2. my sock swap from Pea - a gorgeous blue pair with a butterfly on them! ~ Mister Customs had a wonderful time removing the lavender from the parcel and was kind enough to inform me that I had to pay $48 if I wanted it fumigated. I decided not (and if you are reading this Pea - I am rubbish, rubbish - yours was sent late. I was looking for a special pair of socks that I had seen and tried and tried to get them. In the end I gave up and sent some others. But I will still look for the ones I truly wanted and get them to you when I find them)

3. my valentines gift from Angela - yummy chocolates which jumped into my mouth all day yesterday while I was playing in my art room! thankyou thankyou from the bottom of my heart!

* * *

PLEASE, PLEASE ~ REMEMBER TO PUT A CUSTOMS DECLARATION ON ANY PACKAGE YOU SEND INTO OUR COUNTRY!

CUSTOMS DON'T SEEM TO OPEN PACKAGES WITH THE CORRECT PAPER WORK

my 'art' class part deux

2007-02-10T08:01:00.000+11:00

continuing on from yesterdays post ~ I forgot to tell you this: I think I am going to be the 'problem' child in this art class. I am sure I already exasperate the teacher. In two short hours !

First of all, I had all the 'wrong' things - I had an old table cloth to protect the table instead of the obligatory bath towel.

I had all my art 'stuff' in an old whicker basket instead of the plastic crate that every one else had.

I wanted a blue background but didn't have the correct blue, so she suggested I mix some of my gesso (which I bought because I liked the name - gesso - sounds very arty, me thinks) - so I started mixing, dolloping and dolloping gesso onto my plastic icecream lid (other ladies use a porcelain plate covered in gladwrap so that they can use it again) & I got some cobalt blue and happily mixed away, it was looking very much like fondant by this time - she looked at it and said ' my, you have certainly mixed alot of blue' - and yep! I had enough to paint the opera house - twice !!!

the other students suggested that I save it in a plastic container so I could use it again, they were even kind enough to give me a plastic jar, so I did what they suggested and promptly through it in the bin when I got home. I mean, how much blue paint does one need?

I have noticed that my blue background is showing signs of not being 'perfect', there are white marks where I missed. My teacher told me, that I may have to give it two coats but

1. I don't want it to be a plain blue canvas - I want to put other colours as well

and

2. I don't have any blue paint because it is in the bin!

I think that both Colette & Shell should fly quickly down here & show my teacher how they did their art. She doesn't know how Colette got all the colours on her backgroun and she is baffled over what techniques Shell has used

Oh ! and my teacher also teaches a childs class on Thursday after school & while I was painting my blue background, I asked if I could change to that class - they all looked at me like I was off the planet! but - the kids class does papier mache, finger painting, splatter painting and they make fun stuff - my inner child's dream!

don't get me wrong, my teacher is a nice lady and helpful but I am beyond her wildest nightmares.

outside the box, ladies, out side the box

STILL wednesday's child

thanksgiving

heartsease

grieving, sifting and getting it out

strong women

winter magick

the solstice gift

winter solstice ~

Tuesday

Monday June 18th

see you in my dreams

what dreams are made of :~

this new moon

changing track. . .

desperately seeking.

my coming to the goddess age

winter solstice gift goes to. . .

winter solstice gift-away

the Croning

the beginning of winter in my garden

honesty needed - beware a *soul journey* post

Peter n me

class distinction

today

out n about in Coffs Harbour

on the way up

off we go into the wild blue yonder

I am a godmother!!!

global warming is not a myth

the stillness of this new moon

we all need to ground ourselves

the dark moon this month

where do I go from here?

where have you been?

the month of Mary

Samhain

come, for a wander, to my sacred space and see what we can find...

not much to report from down-under

ANZAC Day

if only

live Earth - cooling our planet or boosting their egos?

the nasturtium faery

are there faeries in my garden?

the autumn ball

I have opened a can of worms

like a duck to water

cornish blood running through my veins

and yet another belief of mine ~ totem animals

staring out at me. . .

may you be blessed ~ a challenge

Ann - without an 'E'

a blissful & bright easter

Easter ? saturday - confused thoughts from my journal

please someone tell me I am going to be ok !

my last walk before 'scissor day'

our spirits

just call me - Edward

official faery photographer

dancing with the pixies

10.07 am - autumn equinox - believe in magick! (and the recipe)

autumn equinox

a kind blog

19 years of wedded bliss

a new moon, a new beginning

a break

gratitude for a little guy

reflections n 'stuff'

the perfect send off. . .

I am spinning & struggling right now

the "C" word

my holy grail

damn mercury & the hippy swap

the gratitude journal

love from across the sea

the journey of a soul ~ a challenge: a swap with a difference

dot, dot * comma, comma

Thursday things

a post directly from the heart of a wednesday's child

Vale ~ Billy

a fine line. . . COPYRIGHT

honesty needed - beware a soul journey post